Viewing 1 - 3 out of 3 Blogs.

Tonight I received news that a friend had killed herself. I do not blame the girl. I in fact understand. I wish life had not handed her such a cruel hand. These are her last words. I hurt for her and wish I could have helped her but couldn't. The hurt was way too deep. Today after burying her husband and children she took her own life.

 

 

I know that when I got the phone call on March 16 that my big brother had been shot - I prayed. I prayed all the way to the airport, on the plane, the trip to the states and when I finally arrived on the evening of March 17, my plane was met by his partner. A man who had been like my brother for years. My heart stopped when I saw him because I knew that my brother was gone, what I didn't know - couldn't have known was that wasn't all that Randy was there to tell me. You see my father, who I adored had suffered a heartattack on hearing the news of the shooting. He had passed away earlier that day and my mother couldn't bear to go on without her son and husband - and she took her life just hours before my plane landed. I couldn't understand and I prayed, I made arrangements for the burial of my loved ones and I prayed for strength, for understanding, for the couraage to be there for them. But I had my husband by my side, my partner - the one who carried the load when I couldn't and helped me to be strong through it all. I also had Randy, like a brother - strength personified...he was there for me. I buried my loved ones in a triple funeral on March 20. I left for home (London) after the dinner, I fought to stay above the lonliness, the depression, the questions that threatened to bury me with their weight, and I prayed. I received a phone call on Saturday March 24, Randy had been in an accident and killed. I put the phone down and hit my knees - why? I prayed as I boarded the plane for home again. I prayed with and for his children when I got there. I prayed throughout this visit and we buried him with my parents and brother...and I prayed. I returned to London and my children and my life and I prayed everyday for understanding. I prayed. Wed April 11, there was a knock on my door - my husband and I had argued and he took the kids out for awhile - must have forgotten his keys. I open the door to an officer. He asks if Mark was my husband and I can feel the fear in every ounce of my being....ma'am there was an accident...ran the light...no survivors...words came at me in slow motion and I tried to understand but I couldn't because they can't be talking about my Mark ...not my husband, they kept talking and suddenly my world exploded Mark was dead! and as my mind fought to understand I realized that my kids were also in that car and I pleaded with the officer to tell me that they were alright, just say that they are hurt and I can go and see them because they can't be gone they are just babies...and the man's eyes were overflowing and the officer was crying and then my boss from the embassy was there and hugged me and I shook him off and grabbed the officer - tell me where my children are and he looked down at me and said I am so sorry - this was the minute, the second - the day that god died. I had prayed when he took my family, my friend but not for this. I won't pray to a god who allows my husband and my babies to be killed by some drunk who runs a light...so I am done with your god and I have already been sentenced to hell - he has taken everything I have and left me here alone - why? Tell me why? What did I ever do to deserve this? I wish that talking to him had done something but it just didn't...so today I will attend another triple funeral and I will be strong for my family - one more time, one last time - because my family is dead, and I am too.

 

I am your little "Burden Bear"
I'll give you comfort if you have a care:
No matter how big, no matter how small,
Just come to me and tell me it all.

I will listen to you with all of my heart,
I'll tell you "I Love you" right from the start;
And because I love you, I'll do what I can,
To give you a lift or to hold your hand.

Until you need me, on the shelf I will be,
Waiting and watching very patiently;
I'll give you a hug, I'll give you a kiss,
When all of your loved ones, you feel that you miss.

Because I really love you, I want you to know,
I'll always be with you where ever you go;
And please feel you are loved by God and by me,
And Oh! don't forget by your sweet family.

By Shirley Jean Pickens

“You matter”

You, exactly as you are in this moment, matter.


You are important. You, exactly as you are, without needing any improvement whatsoever, are deeply important.

You are the piece in the puzzle without which nothing would be the same. You are the flower in the garden without which the colors would not be quite right. You are the note in the choir which makes the song complete.

You matter. You are important. You count.


And this is true, no matter what you have done or been, no matter what mistakes you have made, no matter how many times you have tried and failed to become something better. You, exactly as you are in this moment, are perfect.



Yes, your perfection glows out and lights up the world. And all you need to do is accept it. You are perfect in your imperfections, for those so-called imperfections are exactly what are needed to allow others to see your glow more clearly. You, exactly as you are, are just right. You, exactly as you are, matter deeply.

-- unknown --



I am that one voice, in the cold wind,
That whispers, And if you listen,
You'll hear me call across the sky".