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THIS IS A POEM IINTITLED  SIN WHISPERS. I WROTE IS AFTRER RADIG IN PSALMS. PLEASE TELL ME WHAT YA THINK 

Sin whispers to the wicked, deep in their heart sin whispers.No fear, no god, no restraint.Blinded by their own sin, unable to see their wicked ways.You crooked, you deceitful, say what you are, announce your wickedness to the world.Sin whispers to the wicked, deep in the heart, sin whispersYou unwise, you lay awake hatching sinful plots.No out come good, no attempt to turn away from your wicked ways.You refuse to act wisely, or  do that which is right.Sin whispers to the wicked, deep in the heart sin whispers.Oh ye people of god, do not worry about the wicked. Do not envy their wicked ways. Like the flowers of the spring they too shall whither away. Ohh yes, they too shall whither away. Sin whispers to the wicked, deep in their heart sin whispers

For the last several years I have done drugs and drank alcohol on an almost daily basis. I would get up at 3:00 in the morning, go over to my brothers house and until school started get stoned or drunk, I would go over there several times a week at night and spend the night, I would drink and cuss and get stoned and do stupid things for most of the night until I finally passed out, when I would wake up for school I’d either had to have had a drink (usually a shot or two of vodka) or take a couple hits off a joint to get a buzz before I could even function, I would spend all night partying with a group of people that I thought were my friends, I thought loved my lifestyle, I really could think of no reason to change it, I never got caught, and I did not care if I did get caught. But after a while, the drugs and alcohol weren’t enough to suppress the pain so then I got into even more self destructive ways, I began cutting, making those little cuts in my skin, watching the blood trickle from the cut calmed me, it let all the anger and sadness that I had inside of me out, it made me feel as if I was in control, I could not control all the drugs I was using anymore, I knew was addicted, I could not control my home life, I felt like I could not control anything. Especially after what had happened to me at the St. A picnic, the day that everything came crashing down in my life, the day I lost all control. Cutting myself gave me that control that I longed for, I decided when and where to cut myself, I decided the pain that I would inflict on myself, I was in control, or so I thought. When I cut I felt better, all the pain inside of me seemed to just trickle away along with the blood from my new cut. All the drugs and alcohol and cutting did was make me be able to temporally suppress the pain I had inside of me, I did not have to feel the pain anymore. When I was stoned or drunk or when I was cutting, everything would just go into a blur or haze. All the cutting and drugs and alcohol did was send chemicals throughout my body that made me seem happy, sending endorphins to my brain, relaxing me and making things seem so great. Inside I was slowly dying. I did not know how to control myself anymore, so I rebelled against all others, trying to seek some kind of attention. I wished that someone would notice that someone would help me. I mocked all those who were different than me. I even made fun of and mocked LeeAndra behind her back, I did not understand how she could believe in something she could not see, I did not understand her so I mocked her, and even though she knew I mocked her behind her back she did not back down, she was so strong of a Christian it got me to start thinking about her faith, how she could believe in something so strongly. One day she invited me to go Christmas caroling with the church, I was not sure at first if I wanted to go, I thought that all the people at church would do is critize me for my life, and all they would do is preach to me about what a sinner I was, but I was bored so I decided why not, its not like I have anything else to do, so I went, and no one critized me, no one scorned me, no one preached to me, everyone just accepted me and showed me love and compassion, I had never really been treated that way, it confused me, why did these people who did not even know me treat me so great. So I decided to come again, and again and every time I came I started to fall in love with these people that I once mocked. Then one Wednesday night, I was sitting there in church and Troy was speaking like he had done before, and I started to really listen to what he was saying and it started to get to me, but I tried my best not to show it, but Troy knew something was up, later that night he came to me, and asked if everything was okay, he looked me in the eyes and when he did, I broke, my outer shell, the thing that kept what was hidden inside me, all the pain and sorrow and confusion just broke open, I broke down into tears, he and Christy came to my sides and sat there and talked with me for a long time, I did not have to tell him what was wrong, they said that they did not have to know, they said that they loved me and knew that I was struggling, they prayed for me, and that’s when things started to change, I realized that more people cared about me than I thought. That night I decided to try to understand what it was to have god, that night was when I actually started to change inside, I came every Wednesday after that, and instead of goofing off or being bored and trying to doze off, I started to listen what Troy or Rusty had to say and then I started realizing that, WOW, God is real, God is here, God loves me and I need to love him, then all the sudden I just started to believe in him, I'm not sure exactly when but I just really started to believe in him, I knew god was there for me, I knew god had sent Lee Lee to help me, and I knew that god had sent me to this church for a reason, I fell in love with God, I quit all the drugs and backed away from all druggies and people I should not have been around, I knew that I had to change my ways right now, I realized that I was not promised tomorrow and that if I did not change my ways I would surly go to hell. It was hard for me to change my ways. I realized my old friends were only there for me when I was getting stoned or drunk, they did not really care about me, they proved that to me when they stopped talking to me, what great friends I had. I was ridiculed and treated like dirt by all the people who I used to think was there for me, I craved that feeling I got when I got drunk or high everyday, but with the friends I had gained at church and the blossoming friendship between me and Lee Lee and knowing that God was here for me, that he loved me and that he wanted me to stay on track and come to him and follow his word, I stayed strong, when I felt weak I would pray to god for strength, and I prayed everyday and everyday I got stronger, and stronger, but there was still one thing missing, I had not fully accepted Jesus into my heart, I was scared, I was scared that he would not forgive me for all the wrong I had done. Then on February 7, 2007, I was sitting in church on a Wednesday night listening to Troy preach, and I'm not sure how but we got onto the subject of how things change for you when you become a Christian and how your friends kind of dump you and how your whole life changes then Troy said “ Sarah, you know what I'm talking about”, it caught me off guard, that’s when it really hit me, all the old friends, my old life, my old ways, I had gotten away from it all, and even though I still hurt so bad inside, and I still longed for the feeling of having those drugs and that alcohol and those people in my life, I longed more to have Christ in my life, the more I realized what strength god had given me, and what friends he had given me and what a change god had given me, I began to break down and cry, I grabbed Lee Lee’s hand and I cried on her shoulder. I wanted so bad to know for sure that I had Christ in my life but I was so scared, then Troy did an alter call, like he had many times done before. I had always wanted to go up and just give in and accept God into my life ask God into my heart, ask him to forgive me and just know he is there, but I could never do it, I was too weak, I needed a push and God gave me that push, Lee Lee pulled me up out of my seat and brought me up to the alter, I just broke down and begged god to forgive me for all that I had done, I begged him to come into my heart, I had never felt so powerless in my entire life, but then all of it just went away, I got this sudden feeling of peace and happiness and I knew I had him, I had God into my heart, he loved me, he forgave me for all the wrong I had done over the years and that he would always be there for me. I had never felt such a great feeling, I became almost ecstatic, I was so over joyed, I knew that that second my entire life had changed, I knew that now that I had God on my side, nothing or no one could beat me down, I knew then I had the strength to never go back to that old life I had lived, I was just so happy, then to make things that much sweeter, everyone in the church came up and hugged me, told me that they loved me and that they were so happy for me, I was overcome with such a great feeling, I don’t even know how to explain it. I could not contain all the joy I had inside of me, and I still can’t contain it. I still tear up when I think about that night. My life is so different now. I did a 180 turn around. I went from being a huge druggie/non believer and a cutter into “preacher girl” (my new nickname at school). I began to want to tell everyone about God, I wanted to yell from the rooftops that God is real, God is here for you, just accept him into your heart. so then I started talking to others about what wonderful things God does, I couldn’t stop, I would just go on and on and on, and just completely lose myself in talking about how great he was, I started reading the bible everyday, I read it when I was weak, and it gave me strength. And everyday I got stronger and louder about my faith, I started to forget what others thought of me, I did not care anymore what others thought, all I wanted to do was spread the word about God. I have been ridiculed by so many, even my teachers have ridiculed me for my extreme turn around but I don’t care, they call me a hypocrite, they ask me how can I go from what I had been to what I was now, they think it is just an act. But I just ignore their remarks because all that matters to me is God now, I don’t care about what others think anymore, all I want to do is just spread the word, tell people about god, and maybe help others find him. I pray to God everyday, usually asking him for strength, but every time I pray, I also praise God for all that he has given me, this new life, a new beginning. Everyday seems a little bit harder, and temptation tries to get the best of me, but I don’t let it, when I feel weak or feel like giving up, I get down on my knees and pray, pray to god and ask him for help. And he does. One day I was really weak and temptation was about to get the best of me and I felt like I no longer wanted to fight that temptation anymore, I knew I needed help, so I prayed to God for strength then I opened my bible to a random page and began to read the Holy word, then I stopped, and realized what I had just read; No temptation has seized you except what is common to man. And God is faithful; he will not let you be tempted beyond what you can bear. But when you are tempted, he will also provide a way out so that you can stand up under it. 1Corinthians10:13 I was amazed at what I had read, I had been facing this problem of temptation to go back to my old ways for so long, and I felt like I could no longer fight, but now the answer to my problem that I had been struggling with for so long was right in front of me. Some think it was coincidence that I happened to randomly turn to that page and read that passage, but I don’t think it was random at all; I think God led me to that passage to help me, to answer my prayer. I remind myself of that verse everyday. God is so wonderful, he works in mysterious ways that I might not understand at times, but I know he has a purpose for everything that has happened to me in my life, I know with him beside me that nothing will conquer me. I love him with all my heart, and no one or nothing will ever take that away from me. I am on fire for Him, I try everyday to at least talk to one person about how great He is, some people listen, some walk off, cuss me out or try to prove the God is not real, but the people who try to put me down, the people who say God is not real, the people who are so lost in their ways, I just keep trying to show them that God is real, That God loves them too, and that if only they would let him into their hearts, repent their sins, that they would not have to act they way they do, they would not have to use drugs, or drink, or cuss, or cut or have multiple partners to fill that empty hole in them, that the empty hole can only truly be filled with one thing, and that is Faith in the Lord. I understand what they are going through and along with gods hands I have my hands out reaching for them to grab a hold of and change their ways and find happiness, like I have. On 3-18-07 I got baptized, what an experience it only strengthened my faith even more then about a month later I fell under the holy spirit. last night Pastor Rusty and Troy laid hands on me and began to pray for me and then I just fell back into the pew that was behind me, the next thing I knew I was on the floor with my head to the ground praying, I kept prating and praying about everything, then this power came over me and I was like totally overwhelmed and I got this feeling that I used to get when I was drinking or getting stoned. I really felt high, I kept laughing hysterically and couldnt stop, it was soo awesome. I was filled with the Holy Spirit and wow, I’m just soo fired up for the lord no.i cant even explain how I feel now. Things are just on fire in me now. I want to be a soul winner for Christ , I want to go out and just talk to anyone and everyone about the power of God. I thank you lord soo much for what you have given me, thank you lord soo much is all I could say, I said it and over and over for a good 45 minutes, my youth pastor had to take me home, church ends at 9 and I did not get out until past 11, everyone just kept laying their hands on me and praying, and Rusty was up there preaching and every word he said made my entire body would just jerk then he and troy laid hands on me then I just fell. WOW I don’t know what to say other than Thank you Lord, Thank you Thank you thank you!!!!!!! Then went to thunder over Louisville and me and my church among several other were street preaching and I got the courage to step up to the mic and I preached so loud and sooo hard that they turned the mic down, I had people cussing and screaming at me and I just kept going and wow what an experience I had, god truly blessed me greatly Saturday with his word, wow, I have never had the courage to do anything that extreme before. we were on one of the main streets so everybody had to pass us and with all the other preacher as, the people just passed them up but when I got on the mic, people just stopped, even the church people that were with us helping pass out tracks stared at me , they could not believe the power and noise and just screaming that came out of me, it was amazing, I am sooo truly blessed, no one could believe that I got as loud as I did, I mean wow, that’s all I can say right now. WOW, I had about 20 people, preachers at that come up to me and say "that’s some great preaching, I don’t think I would even have the guts to be that strong, that harsh" God works in some mysterious and yet so awseom ways, I love him so much. Street Preaching is my passion, I’ like so addicted to it now, I want to go out every weekend, and pass out tracks and street preach. I know that God has a plan for me to work in ministry, he has not told me where in ministry yet, but I know in my heart that his plan is for me to work in the church to help others follow and find Christ. What the lord has in store for me, I do not know but I know that with him beside me I can accomplish any and everything.