Last year at this time it was rather hard. This year I have someone, but I hate the fact he is not next& nbsp;to me. Only in phone conversation, email, and yahoo.
So all in all it is still hard to face. Least I have someone to talk with about things. All things concidered I Love this person.
Trust in the Lord with all your heart; and don't lean on your own understanding. In all things acknowledge him, and he shall direct your way. [Proverbs 3:5, 6]...
We all seem to know this line in the Bible... and I have been told this many times since meeting my friend online about where the realtionship should go.
Last Saturday I changed my blast (on other blog) to the trust verse as well as added a song by Twila Paris... ok so I go to the Globetrotters with my older boys and I left Lil A with a friend. When I went to get Lil A my friend mentioned Lil A has a fever. A slight one, but I think right away I will let them sleep in and stay home. So A* mentions the Vine Service. I haven't been to that since I left the church to have Lil A (I used to work there). But by the next day I was having a hard time dealing with my older two almost pulling my hair out and I had not heard from A* so I though okay I will stay home. Then another widow friend said she was going to the Vine Service. I hemmed and hawed and I did go. Crying all the way to church. Mumbling how I hated having no one around (adult) Mumbling how I (although I am not into material things) I never got a ring at my 5 year and I was okay with this and we opted to get one at 10 (My engagement ring it was rather pretty, but never got it replaced. I lost it one month before we were married). Mumbling how I never do anything for myself and I think I am going to search for a nice ruby ring next month blah blah blah still crying.
The service is on the temptations of Christ it was on the second one....
I really didn't know that till the service got going, but while Worship was going on I spied ahead of me a few rows up a young "sweet" couple. They were really good, very proper in the church setting. I had all I can do to hold it in with my two friend around me, but the tears rolled. They placed there heads together in prayer and I LOST it again.
It wasn't so much the temptation although I did need to hear it.. He started talking about feeling frustration and feeling like God is not there and my ears started to really listen. It was what was WITHIN the message that made the tears start to roll.
He brought up. Trust in the Lord with all Heart... and do you Manipulate and demand on God's plan or do you work with Him. So here I am taking communion and I have my two friends beside me (one widowed one divorced both with kids as well) and I am just crying (without them knowing).
So G* and I are talking on the phone and we are about to close and I kinda got all quiet (that happens sometimes we just sit on the phone and are quiet) and sometimes he will ask me what I am thinking, I can't recall If I said anything but I just started reflecting on the day/night. I almost DIDN'T go to this service. It was almost at that time C* emailed me saying she was going.
I think G* an I were on the phone an extra hour just both crying and talking. I woke up with a scratchy voice. lol
He called me the next morning asking me if I was okay... That was so nice to hear his voice. We both agree were things are headed. BUT again I reminded him this is God's timing...
I wont deny it since August things have moved rather quickly, but it is all good.
I seem to have page loading issues here and a few other sites.
SO be patient with me.. may need to restart my system.
Well I guess I am going to be meeting some one I met 8 months ago.. almost 9! (On the 26th) Met him on a personals ad site... I would like to think this has a good ending... I can see good things.
I have mentioned somewhere not sure if here or my other "home" about 2 from the old testiment (prophets) that where told to marry "OUTSIDE THE BOX" of what society would do.. to show faith they had in God. Many months ago I thought about that with my first relationship and as well as the current one to o nly then be taught this in an ABF class. It surely made me go "HMMMMM".
I have asked it over and over what would you do.. and only I can answer this. I feel good as I move forward to the next step. Waiting as long as it takes to make it right. I only want what God has instore. I know the reality, but I feel God has made me the way I am for this reason and there for I can handle what comes forth.
I have tried to fight and pray for desires to go away and they never did.
This past month (Dec 2nd and 9th) at my group, I go to each Saturday the other leaders (widows) whom married each other although talking to another widow about the fact it was okay to move on and to meet others, I can only feel they were talking to me and to my heart... If this is not an anwer I been looking for I dont know what is, Now I am not trying to jump the gun or anything like this, however this is the path that I can't deny either. This happened twice (two different Saturdays) and then to leave to go home on those days I heard two songs on Delilah that really spoke to me... The first one I shall not mention. BUT I did share the second... it spoke to me.
The Gift Lyrics Collin Raye
Winter snow is falling down Children laughing all around Lights are turning on like a fairy tale come true Sittin’ by the fire we made You’re the answer when I prayed I would find someone and baby I found you And all I want is to hold you forever All I need is you more everyday You saved my heart from being broken apart You gave your love away And I’m thankful everyday For the gift Watching as you softly sleep What I’d give if I could keep Just this moment if only time stood still But the colors fade away And the years will make us gray But baby in my eyes you’ll still be beautiful And all I want is to hold you forever All I need is you more everyday You saved my heart from being broken apart You gave your love away And I’m thankful everyday For the gift All I want is to hold you forever All I need is you more everyday You saved my heart from being broken apart You gave your love away And I’m thankful everyday Can’t find the words to say Thank you for the gift
My widow friend (who was widowed this past summer) had been seeking prayer and guidance... She was always saying she was out going and he was more wanting to stay home... One night he emailed her the exact words she had been praying for... she got her answer not to move forward. I believe God tells us things if we just listen. I feel deeply that the exact words I been saying in my heart were uttered by T and A (the other leaders) I about cried. Right now I know I need to seek this out until I am told to stop.
I had many months of fighting this and I can't fight no more. I secretly held three little words in my head for fear of not wanting to hurt him or myself. I was searching as if this could be more. I was getting over my first year. I was making sure my children where ready. Was I ready?
One day I fell to my knees. Never had I done this. I wanted to know him. We share a distance for the reason I need to go through what I had to go through and he needed to grow as well. All in God's timing.
22 But the fruit of the Spirit is love, joy, peace, patience, kindness, goodness, faithfulness, Service
Romans 12: 6-8 (NIV)
6 We have different gifts, according to the grace given us. If a man's gift is prophesying, let him use it in proportion to his[a]faith. 7If it is serving, let him serve; if it is teaching, let him teach; 8if it is encouraging, let him encourage; if it is contributing to the needs of others, let him give generously; if it is leadership, let him govern diligently; if it is showing mercy, let him do it cheerfully.
Satisfaction
Exodus 3:12-13 (NIV)
12 And God said, "I will be with you. And this will be the sign to you that it is I who have sent you: When you have brought the people out of Egypt, you [a] will worship God on this mountain."
13 Moses said to God, "Suppose I go to the Israelites and say to them, 'The God of your fathers has sent me to you,' and they ask me, 'What is his name?' Then what shall I tell them?"
Grace / Salvation
Ephesians 2:8-9 (NIV)
8 For it is by grace you have been saved, through faith—and this not from yourselves, it is the gift of God— 9not by works, so that no one can boast.
Holy Spirit
Acts 2: 38 (NIV)
38 Peter replied, "Repent and be baptized, every one of you, in the name of Jesus Christ for the forgiveness of your sins. And you will receive the gift of the Holy Spirit. Eternal Life
Romans 6: 23 (NIV)
23 For the wages of sin is death, but the gift of God is eternal life in[a] Christ Jesus our Lord.
Strength
Psalm 28:7 (NIV)
7 The LORD is my strength and my shield; my heart trusts in him, and I am helped. My heart leaps for joy and I will give thanks to him in song.
Isaiah 40:31 (NIV)
31 but those who hope in the LORD will renew their strength. They will soar on wings like eagles; they will run and not grow weary, they will walk and not be faint.
Philippians 4:13 (NIV)
13 I can do everything through him who gives me strength.
Biggest gift of all...
John 3: 16 (NIV)
16 "For God so loved the world that he gave his one and only Son,[a] that whoever believes in him shall not perish but have eternal life.
Recently my church did "The Three Chair" Sermon (Remix) Due to all the changes in the church Dave Stone pulled it out and rewrote it some. In order to see that full sermon go visit the church and click on LIVINGWORD BOOKSTORE. All profits go to the radio broadcoast around the world.
Here is a summery (from the orginal sermon) from my ABF (Adult Bible Fellowship) I attend. Posted on other blog....
" *Name of your church* has left the building."
What does this have to do with three chairs I will explain later....
"If God aint in it, then it won't work" Over the past couple of years, my church has been making changes to "MAKE ROOM FOR MORE." A new building for office space and making the rooms now empty into lounge and classrooms for Bible studies. The adult library was moved and is rebuilt to state of the art with WIFI. The once placed library is now a Cafe' complete with couches and coffee. You can't miss it, you see it when you walk in. It is all to make it more comfortable for new comers, in a day when things are just right there.
Now you are thinking what kind of chruch is this? over 18K members... it is very much a mega church. The once pastor of 40 years left in June and "second in command" took over. I can't say it has been easy for me... coming from a 200 member, to a 2000 member, to a back in 2001 a 14/15 k members... (9/11 changed a lot of that), but I knew I was to be there the minute my late husband and I walked in... We jumped right in finding our first ABF class. Had to or you got lost. Now as part of the "Church on the Move" series, it is all part of the plan for the moment they walk in and come forward they will fallow steps to get plugged in and no more "lost" soles looking for a place to fit in. Something we didn't have when we joined.
So today they talked about the plan of CELL CHURCHES. I mean really what do you think about when you hear that "*SECC* has left the building." You are like UH, you just did all this remodeling and they what?... It is all part of the plan, for the church to come to the communty. My county alone has the highest member rate for surrounding counties of 1,100, now that fallows county growth... so it makes sence to me that it would be. I drive more then 20 minutes to get to the main church.. and all though I don't mind, close would be nice. More so with three little ones. I personally like what I see and hear.
After I had lil A, my late husband and I tired local, a Methodist church. I missed the smaller crowds, even though I had gotten used to the mega church feel. I missed the chances to be in choir, bell choir, church dinners... get the picture? It didn't feel right and ended up back at SECC.
With that said and even though I am starting over in a new ABF class... and it will take a few year to start getting cell churches started, I am excited and scared, for I hate change yet at the same time I do, lol and I would love nothing more then to be part of this ever growing event.
Each cell have LIVE WORSHIP, then a feed of the pastor speaking the sermon... (95% of the membership watch the speakers on video anyhow, so it would make no difference) It would opened up the oppertunity for peoples talents/ gifts to be used. ie .. worship, drama. SO yeah I am for it.
The Thought of the moment..."Have your bags packed"Hebrews 9:27-28Luke 12:40For we don't know tomorrow. Remember those in 9/11 and lost to us at war....
Now for the chairs... more talk on the "BIBLE JESUS KNEW"
OK so we taked about the next section of the bible... HISTORY.
Johua and Jericho you know.... how they finally got the PROMISE LAND? How they only conquered it so far and had 400 years of evil and peace... ok well anyhow moving forward...
forgoing some stuff...
Which chair are you?
Chair one... COMMITMENT - HOT - Wooden Chair
Chair two... COMPRIMISE - LUCKWARM - Recliner
Chair three... CONFLICT - COLD - Beach Chair too comfy you can't even get up.
Are you GUN HO in sharing who God is, ON THE FENCE, or GOD? GOD WHO?
Revelation 3:16 (NIV)
16So, because you are lukewarm—neither hot nor cold—I am about to spit you out of my mouth.
Revelation 3:20 (NIV)
20Here I am! I stand at the door and knock. If anyone hears my voice and opens the door, I will come in and eat with him, and he with me.
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