I admire the person who can use humor, thoughtfulness, or a self-deprecating comment to defuse the tension of an angry moment. Maybe that’s why I’ve become so intrigued with the proverb that says, “A soft answer turns away wrath, but a harsh word stirs up anger” (Proverbs 15:1). I’m convinced that there is more here than a reminder not to yell at one another. The previous proverb (14:35) reminds us that anger isn’t always wrong. Solomon provided needed balance when he said, “The king’s favor is toward a wise servant, but his wrath is against him who causes shame.”
Sometimes we are so committed to avoiding anger that we don’t get angry even when it is called for. At its best, angry emotions show that we care enough to be upset when someone or something we value is in danger. This is like the anger of the king (14:35) who becomes emotional when one of his servants acts without regard for the needs of others.
Wisdom, however, keeps this emotion on a short leash. Solomon’s “rule of the soft answer” helps us avoid the danger of unnecessary anger.
Anger is like a guard dog. It can help us protect ourselves, our property, or someone we care about. But anger can also be our own junkyard dog. Regardless of whether we call him “Nero,” “Porkchop,” or “Sunrise,” he will act on his own instincts. Without training, fencing, or a short leash, he will bite a friend as quickly as he will attack a thief.
So what restraint does wisdom give us? Is Proverb 15:1 just encouraging us to lower our voices to avoid waking the sleeping dog? No, the wisdom described here isn’t just about volume. What makes a response gentle is our motive, not our volume. A soft answer is motivated by love.
A voice raised in love is less threatening than a thought whispered in contempt. A loud “Yes, I’m upset. I’m sorry. Forgive me. But I happen to care about you!” is much more calming than a softly spoken “You’re nothing but a worthless version of your father (or mother).”
“What I do with my time is none of your business” is a harsh answer even when it’s said softly through smiling lips. On the other hand, “What can I say? What I said was thoughtless and mean. You didn’t need to hear that from me!” is likely to be “soft” even if expressed with loud regret.
Proverbs 15:1 isn’t about loud responses. It’s warning us about harsh responses that, even when whispered, awaken anger because they’re spoken as a threat. “Soft” words, though, tend to defuse anger, regardless of their volume, because they’re an offer of safety.
It’s important to add that the calming effect of a soft answer is a general rule that has exceptions. A “soft answer” does not always quiet anger.
No one illustrates both the rule and the exception better than the Messiah of Israel. Jesus was crucified for speaking the ultimate soft answer. As the King of kings He had every right and reason to come in anger. The streets and neighborhoods of His kingdom were full of servants who had acted shamefully. Yet this King put everyone off balance by surprising people with kindness. He comforted people whose lives were a mess, unnerving those who were resting in their own self-righteousness.
Jesus infuriated the religious and moral leaders of His people by earning a reputation as “a friend of sinners.” The separatist sect known as the Pharisees (i.e. righteous ones) probably would have been more receptive if He had at least spoken softly and carried a big stick. But He carried a cross instead.
While known sinners loved Him, raging religious moralists were convinced that no one would be safe until He was dead. His example reminds us that we should not expect to avoid anger. Instead, we should make it our goal to hold in check the kind of anger that harms others in an attempt to defend our own selfish interests. An even better strategy is to find such security and safety in God that we are not quick to get angry for self-centered reasons.
Proverbs 14:26, another close neighbor of 15:1, points us to the security and safety that will help us avoid unhealthy anger in ourselves. There we read, “In the fear of the Lord there is strong confidence, and His children will have a place of refuge.” Another neighbor (15:3) reminds us that “the eyes of the Lord are in every place, keeping watch on the evil and the good.”
When considered in the shadow of our God, Proverbs 15:1 is not an end in itself. It is not a simple moral principle. Instead, it leads us to the source of love, security, and spiritual strength we all need. After helping us to think about what it means to answer in a soft rather than a harsh way, this proverb points us to our God. Our “soft answers” are prompted by His offer of security, the example and forgiveness of His Son, and the enabling presence of His Spirit.
Father, I don’t like what my anger says about me. I try to hide it. But inside I know how quick I am to defend myself at the expense of others. Thank You for responding to me with the soft answer I need rather than the harsh response I deserve. No one calms my anger the way You do. Please help me to offer that same wisdom and safety to others.
YOUR BRILLIANCE FACTOR!
“For wisdom is more precious than rubies, and nothing you desire can compare with her” Proverbs 8:11
Let’s think of our brilliance factor as the sum of the good decisions we make, minus the bad ones. The greater the number of wise choices, the greater our ability to radiate the spectacular facets of Christ’s wisdom and character. Let’s face it. We’re all just a few bad moves away from flawing the brilliance of His glory in us. Choices about what we say, how we respond to trouble, how we treat those who don’t treat us well, what we choose to watch, and how we spend our money are all the strokes of the chisel against the diamond in our hearts.
So, how do we know what the downstrokes look like—the strokes that chisel away the rough edges and move us toward brilliance? The transforming work of God in our lives begins when we are willing to live by His wisdom and not our own. Wisdom is seeing all of life from God’s point of view. Since He is perfect wisdom, aligning my choices with His perspective brings the brilliance of His glory to the surface of all my activities and attitudes. Loving my enemies, serving the needs of others, forgiving, being generous, and caring for the needy and the poor are among the transforming downstrokes of His wisdom.
A life lived to reveal the brilliance of His glory happens one choice at a time. And you’ll know that you are on the right track when at the verge of every choice, you check in with God to get His perspective and then proceed to chisel away the rough edges according to what is truly wise.
I love what the Bible says in the book of Proverbs: Wisdom “is more precious than rubies; nothing you desire can compare with her” (3:15). When you start living by the precious wisdom of God, there is indeed nothing that can compare! His wisdom will chip away the grit and grime from your life and begin the process of changing you into a priceless gem that radiates His spectacular glory
LIVING IN THE PERFECT TENSE
“Therefore, if anyone is in Christ, he is a new creation. The old has passed away; behold, the new has come” 2 Corinthians 5:17
This fallen, broken world we live in is a lot like a runaway truck without brakes—on its way to sure destruction. And I don’t know about you, but I don’t want to be caught sleeping in the passenger seat of that truck!
Thankfully, Paul makes it very clear that Jesus provided a way of escape from this fallen, destined-for-destruction world order. When he told the Corinthian believers in 2 Corinthians 5:17 that old things are passed away, he was talking about the old world order that is headed for judgment. And Paul uses the past tense to assure us that the certain doom is already accomplished. Thankfully, Jesus has already paid the price to avert our riding this world’s 18-wheeler to disaster. It is historical fact, already accomplished for those who are in Christ.
What that means for those of us who are in Christ is that we are no longer in the death grip of the “old things”: All the dark seductions of our fallen world. All the lying and deceit. All the over-the-line sensuality and immorality. All the damage and despair caused by slavery to sin. This is all the old, outdated stuff that is marked for judgment and extinction.
Instead, we as His followers are part of a “new creation.” When Paul proclaimed the good news that “the new has come,” he used the perfect tense of the Greek language, indicating a past action with continuing results. In other words, there are ongoing ramifications of Jesus’ past action to save us. In the perfect tense, His past action is intended to continue to produce results; results that reflect the new order of a life in the grip of Jesus’ love. New stuff like honesty, purity, forgiveness, generosity, servanthood, faithfulness, and compassion for those who are sleeping in the passenger seat of the runaway truck. His process of making us into a new creation is ongoing, anchored in the historical bedrock of Christ’s sacrifice on the cross. That means that we as His followers are, in a sense, a “work in progress” looking more and more like His new creation all the time.
At the start of this new year, it’s a good time to ask if your life looks more like the old or more like the new. As a “new creation” in Jesus, what are the results in your life that clearly reflect His new way of living? Let’s wake up to the fact that we don’t belong to the darkness of this fallen world, and gladly embrace the new dynamics that God wants to create in our lives.
Live to make progress in the perfect tense of Christ’s finished work and make it a New Year that will be a lot more like the new and a lot less like the old.
