Finished up the last infusion of round 5 today. I felt lousy all day. Usually I have a "good" or at least "okay" day or two right before an infusion. But with each infusion, the bad days are stretching out longer and longer. This time, I felt lousy right up to the infusion and after. Nausea and queasy stomach and a major headache. There just isn't any time off. I need a break. Is it too much to ask for just a morning or afternoon where I feel normal ?
No, but I shouldn't think like that. We each have our own struggles to endure and it's a test of faith to face it with patience. There were 4 of us doing chemo at my end of the infusion room. Light fabric curtains can be drawn for privacy but nobody usually does that. The recliners and infusion machines are closely arranged and separted only by little low counters to hold a tiny tv, a few magazines, and a place for the nurse to set the needles, gauze, and other instruments to set up an IV. So it becomes one large chemo community, but there is little interaction other than between the nurses and each patient. Most times it's routine, just the nurse checking the patient name or birthdate and changing to the next chemo drug.
But today I overheard parts of what 3 others have had to face. One woman has been doing chemo since the beginning of the year and has many more yet. Her blood counts are low and she's had to take extra med to boost her counts. Another woman is by herself listening on headphones and has a special IV in hand which has to be fixed tomorrow at the hospital. The woman beside me is with her husband and her counts are so low that she needs a transfusion. She sleeps comfortably in the recliner while her husband also falls asleep leaning back in the side chair with his neck doubled back. It's apparent that they are both exhausted. I'm really right there with them because my nurse discusses how I'm going to have to do a slow 12 hour infusion in the hospital for my last round.
I don't think it's a coincidence though that I take notice of them. Here I am griping again about what I have to go through, but there are others facing struggles too. I need to count my blessings. I haven't and probably won't need a transfusion or any meds to boost my counts. I'm still able to get by without any special IV or port. I have my sister with me with me during my treatments. And most of all, my treatments will soon be over.
The only break I need is to count all these blessings.
