The past week has brought so many changes to my life, and to the life of that of my future husband.  Some I've fought against, but in the end, I had to realize that this is not about what Rachael wants.  It's about what God's will is for my life.  Learning to become submitted to that hasn't been easy.

Ryan made the decision that we aren't ready to be married yet.  Except that he told me it was the Pastor who changed the date again...which hurt me and caused some friction, but we've worked through that.  I've learned that I'm a very strong-willed woman and I bought a great book called The Strong-Willed Wife by Debbie Cherry.  This book was a complete eye-opener for me.  Strong willed women have in common some of the following traits:

1.  We are superwomen who can't say no to a task and even though we've accomplished all 101 tasks on our list for the day, we feel like we've accomplished nothing really.  This leads to us feeling burnt out in the end.

2.  As wives, we are commanded to submit to our husbands as to the LORD.  When we don't submit to our husbands (and submission, by the way, isn't a dirty word), we show Christ our attitude towards him and by our actions, show Him how we would treat him if He was standing right in the room with us.  Yeah.  OUCH!

3.  Strong-willed women marry either a strong-willed man or a passive man.  I'm marrying a passive man, which frustrates me, because as a strong-willed wife, it's difficult to submit to a man who doesn't want to make decisions for himself.  It almost feels like a parent-child relationship at times.  Passive men don't like this and strong-willed women want a husband they can submit to.  One issue I know we need to work on in counseling.

4.  Strong-willed women don't want to look at themselves or their faults.  They want to look at other's faults. 

I know there's more, but I'd have to reread that book many times over to remember all the important lessons I learned from its pages.  But finally, I can say that I'm on the right path to allowing my husband to lead.  For me, it's difficult not to point out those things that I need for him to change in order for me feel comfy with us getting married.  I've prayed about them, and God's told me to focus on me changing and let Him worry about Ryan.  So I'm going to let God do what he does best and sit back and wait.

So who knows when we'll be married?  I know we will before August of next year...but at this point, with the date moving 3 times, I am down to planning for a simple private ceremony that involves us, our pastor, our parents, the kids and two witnesses.  It's too much stress to keep moving things around.