Frank-n-Sense Writen on 12/1/04 ©All Rights Reserved. My buddy Frank used to work at a car lot. That's interesting enough because he knows little about car maintenance. His job was to take work orders and work with mechanics to repair or service vehicles. He asked me once, "Did I ever tell you about the time I sent a woman home with no engine?" Of course he was exaggerating some, but I had to hear the story. A customer came to pick up an old model blue mustang one evening. Frank said someone had returned the work order so, as usual, he assumed that the car was ready to go. He had the car pulled to the front for the customer and charged her for the repairs. When he returned to work the next morning, the woman was waiting for him. She scowled at him as she pointed her finger and then crooked it as if to order Frank to come to her. Frank walked over to her car as the woman lifted the hood. Once she did this, she pointed and said, "Does this look right?" Frank glanced under the hood and was stunned at the sight. He couldn't make any excuses so he just said, "Well, that's not right, is it?" Frank said to me, "There were things missing under there. I'm not sure what things were missing but there were holes where stuff should have been. Nothing looked right under there. I wondered how she was able to drive it." He grinned and said, "One area was missing something so big that I don't think I sent her home with a radiator." I think that for this time in my life, I feel like that old blue mustang. I'm running okay, but I think I've got some parts missing. I've been through 'servicing' recently and I don't even know what's left of me. Since I was twelve years old I have sung in the church. In September I stopped doing that with the exception of singing in the church choir. I don't even know if I miss public music ministry/singing. I want to worship the Lord but I find myself not wanting the 'old parts' of singing. I wonder if the singing thing has been removed from me and I wonder if it will return. My children are teenagers now and I'm not really needed for their physical needs anymore. The way I work, they eat before I get home and when I fix breakfast no one eats it so I don't bother. I feel like a part of me is gone with this new season of our lives. I don't know if there's a replacement part or not, but for now I feel empty. The hopes and dreams I once had, I am finding out, are probably no longer a part of the vision for my life. I remember in my early 20's when I realized I wouldn't grow up to be a psychiatrist. (Thank the Lord.) At the time, letting go of that desire was difficult. There are things in my life I maybe assumed the Lord was leading me to go for that may have been only my own desires and wants. I lay them down right now. I ask the Lord to raise my hood and just take out the hopes, dreams and visions that aren't a part of what He wants for me. Perhaps I shouldn't drive my spiritual car until everything is fitly put together? I thought I heard the Lord tell me to mark this time in my life so I could remember back on it. Will I always feel like a car that's being overhauled? Am I done or is he priming me to become a vintage classic? Is he taking out the old engine and putting in a souped up motor? Is he polishing my spiritual chrome and aligning my wheels so that I focus on the path of righteousness? I've been raising my hood and pointing at all the changes and saying to God, "We've got a problem here!" Am I like that accusing woman pointing her finger with dissatisfaction as if God might be capable of making mistakes? How I long to be done with this season of my life. But just like that woman who tried to operate her vehicle before the job was finished, I better stay in heaven's garage until the Master Mechanic gives the go ahead. 9/2/06 Update I just found this journal entry in my writings. WOW! I really enjoyed reading it. I'm happy to report that I have mostly new parts and that I think the Lord is tuning me up for something really awesome. I am very glad that I've been in the garage. I'm now in full time ministry, writing, speaking and leading an awesome college age group. With this group, (YIELD Minsitry), we minister to teenagers every Friday. I sing in the choir, the car and do background vocals in the studio. I'm satisfied with that. Also…I sing parodies as Patsy Whine and am working on a parody as another character..hee hee hee. How in the world did I get to this place in my life? I guess I got here one day at a time and from glory to glory… Before you know it, I'll be out of the garage and a testament to the workmanship of my creator. Yee HAW!