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yea i'm nessa's friend. she wanted me to post this. she wants you to know that she's sry. hmm but w/e forgiveness seems to be lacking around here. so w/e. she's going through a hard time right now. but wat to do care you never tried to find wat was wrong. her parents are close to geting a divorce. she's been yelled at every day. she cut the other day. but w/e. you never stopped to see. cuz yea rudeness does just come sometimes it could be for a reason. this song is because she wanted her voice to be heard on that post about depression. she says excuss her for speaking through god. she's been called to be a motivalation speaker and she's speaking about that at her youth group next month. so she just wrote what god told her too. sry that you didnt like it. so yea she'll let her voice be heard some way whether you like it or not. My friends
They keep makin’ fun of me
I hide
Behind my insecurities
But I want so bad for them to see
Anything and everything
So I’m not living in a dream
But I
Tuck my little thoughts away
I drive
Far, far, far away
I’m tired of running just to stand in place
I’ve had enough
Of giving up
I need the strength
To show Your love
Cuz I breathe
Just to shout out
And I live
Just to scream loud
And Your love
It’s here now
And I’m not running cuz it’s pushed me to the edge
I’m not gonna break
There’s no mistake
I’ve got to
Stand and scream
Let my voice be heard
When push comes to shove
I’m rising above
I’ve got to stand and scream
Let my voice be heard
Now I’m
Not afraid to tell you what I really think
My life’s
Gotta live the truth that I believe
Cuz I want so bad for you to see
Anything and everything
The grace that owns the heart in me!
Shout out
Scream loud
Oh yeah
I will not live in silence
In the dead of night Her screams pierce the darkness Yet it seems no one is listening For no one comes to save her. All she wasnt is one person To realize how much her heart is broken. But it seems that one simple wish Want be coming true very soon... No one is there to comfort her So she's alone in this cold world And her only friends is a blade, Since no one has come to save her. Every she knows says just find a light But the darkness that is surrounding her Is haunting her thoughts by saying There is no one in this world. As she looks in the mirror she cant Even reconize herself anymore. All she see is a well put together girl, Yet inside she's is broken beyond compare. Her prayers have stopped completly For it just seems God isnt there, And she hates him for putting her Through this living hell. The only thing that keeps her going Is the promise that there will be a dawn And she knows after this is all over She'll hope again and there'll be beauty ~Nessa Smith yea i wrote that today...it's pretty much all me...cept the blade part...i havent cut in 2 months but...i S.I.ed last night comments? yea pray for me k?
i'm falling into the black my parents are fighting my dad is controlling idk i want to escape so bad i cant stand this house i want to run away somewhere safe but i dont know where safety is... someone help me? Nessa
you want a change, it's written on your face you feel alone, a little out of place you hide away the scars and the mistakes youve been tired, uninspired something's gotta give right now He knows who you are the light in the dark He picks up your broken heart right now He's telling the truth that you will make it through His love can rescue you right now we've all been there, we're walking down the same road so don't be scared, you're not out there on your own just take a breath, and shut out the madness letting go is beautiful theres so much more just waiting there for you right now He knows who you are the light in the dark He picks up your broken heart right now He's telling the truth that you will make it through His love can rescue you right now this is your life the giving and the taking the journey and the making this is your life the fighting and the kneeling the hurting and the healing don't blow it all away right now He knows who you are the light in the dark He picks up your broken heart right now He's telling the truth that you will make it through His love can rescue you right now ~this beautiful republic
Asthenophobia- Fear of fainting or weakness. Atychiphobia- Fear of failure Dystychiphobia- Fear of accidents Gerascophobia- Fear of growing old. Hadephobia- Fear of hell.***** Hamartophobia- Fear of sinning. Lygophobia- Fear of darkness. Paraskavedekatriaphobia- Fear of Friday the 13th. (not really but yea it's fun trying to say that really long word tehe) Poinephobia- Fear of punishment Psellismophobia- Fear of stuttering. (like in front of the class) Satanophobia- Fear of Satan (kindaish but not really...in a way yes...) Testophobia- Fear of taking tests Tremophobia- Fear of trembling (cuz once i start to tremble i will most likely start to cry) Xyrophobia-Fear of razors. (shudders razors they scare me now..they shouldnt but they do) Nessa
It's not a cry for help It's the way so many turn to just so they will be able to cope. It's not a cry for attention All the blood that Could be falling down My already scared wrist It's not a cry for sympathy I know you feel sorry That I feel the way i do When the blade goes to my wrist It's not a cry for anything If anything it could just Be a plea for all the pain We hold inside to fly away. -Janessa Smith copyright May 5th
I'm Sorry
If I'm not skinny enough for you to see my ribs.
I'm sorry
If I'm not pretty enough to be "your girl"
I'm sorry
If I'm not tan enough for you
I'm sorry
If i don't have a dream body that turns you on.
I'm sorry
If im not tall enough
I'm sorry
If my hair is not long enough
I'm sorry
If i dont wear them tiny clothes that "she" wears
But most of all...
I'm sorry
That most guys can't accept a girl for who they really are
If you're a girl and you agree with this letter, repost as I'm
sorry
If you're one of the few GUYS with enough Guts to repost, and you would never make your girl feel this way, repost as "I love you just the way you are." +++++++++++++++ i'm lucky though i've found a guy who loves me for me =] Nessa
sugar coated lies circle her Most are which she has Coated herself to make things Seems as if life is perfect. No one knows the truth Not even the one teling The lies about how she Got the scars on her wrist. She doesnt realize that every Singles time she sugar coats things It's only making things worse For lies are followed by more lies. Her fake smiles are convincing Yet everytime she smiles to hide All the pain she holds inside Her soul breaks even more. People start to see the life She is living is just a Big lie so she wont seem Like such a depressed loser. The though of people seeing HEr true life scares her Though maybe it's finally Time to take off her mask. When she takes off her mask The world gasps in shock of Wat the girl they thought Was so perfect...really is. Nessa
i am not emo. I am not Gothic. I'm not a skater. I'm not a punk. I'm not a rebel. I'm not a dork, nerd, geek, loser or a freak. I'm not a jock or a prep. I'm not an art geek, math wiz or computer dork. I'm just ME for crying out loud. You know what else i am? Sick. I am so SICK of stereotyping and labeling! Seriously, why does it matter, anyway? Its so sad. People are related in SO many more ways then what group they're in. But yet, they all fail to realize it because they are so caught up in their cliques and putting down others that they don't even seem to notice. "Prep" makes fun of "Goth." Talks about how- "She should get school spirit and a makeover or not bother to come to school at all. Seriously, she like is totally drab. She just lives to hate people. I'm so sick of her." They hate each other. Yet, they fail to realize how much they are alike. The fact that they both cry themselves to sleep, because hey have both been abused. They both wish they were someone else. They both hate who they see in the mirror. The difference is how they show it. (which gave them their labels that separate them more) Prep fills this void with gossip. Putting others down seems to make her feel higher. She also fills it with love. The problem with that is that its not real love, and it leaves her feeling emptier then ever. Goth, on the other hand turned her back on love. She fills this hole inside with anger and hate. She is convinced that she hates everything, ...even herself. So similar- but yet so different. This is the same with "Jock" and "Emo." You see, Jock trashes emo. Literally. Trashcan. See, he's got a reputation for being the tough guy. When really, inside, he is weaker than most. Emo, on the other hand, doesn't even try the 'tough guy' thing. He's known to be weak, and an easy target for criticism. What they don't realize is that those words and things they do cut deeper than they think. Literally. CUT. Why do they do these things? Power. Jock feels empty. Sure, he can have basically what he wants as far as cars and money and sports go. But, his parents divorce is one thing he couldn't control. Now they are both workaholics that give him anything he could want. Except attention. If they just looked a bit closer, heck, if they just looked at all, they would see that he's begging for attention. But they don't. Emo on the other hand has a different kind of control. Its both emotional and physical. Its pain. He has pain from wounds that others create. From his parents fighting and using him to get back at each other to being socially outcast. So he creates his own wounds. He may not have control over what others say, or how much pain it causes, be he has control over how it hurts. He can't stand crying himself to sleep. But he knows that he can't lash out at them either. So he numbs his emotions. What he does let himself feel is the pain that they leave; alone with his razor blade. Prep, Goth, Jock and Emo all hate what they do.It makes them hate themselves. ...Then they do it more. What they don't realize is this is how they are connected. They hate themselves. And they hate this world. But most of all, they are lost. They are all searching for answers in the wrong direction. They all have this hole inside of them that they er trying to fill. They all try to fill it with different things, but all wind up with the same result. Empty. And ina deeper hole than they started out in. I'm sure that if they really realized how they can relate, how we aren't that different than we seem, thatwe might think twice about "trashing" other groups. Those who are lonely would know that they weren't alone. If we'd just break the walls, we'd all be better off. But it doesn't seem to be happening. Wonder why? Because we aren't breaking the walls and joining together. Instead, we're coming up with new labels and ways to put others down. Why do we do this? Because we care too much what others think. We're afraid. Afraid of what they'll think. Afraid of how we'll look. Afraid of what will happen. So, instead of being a little uncomfortable and leaving our comfort zones, we are really in pain. But at least we're comfortable, right? If we don't lay down our pride and step outside of our circles we will never help anyone; not ourselvesor others. "Be the change you wish to see in the world" -Gandhi It all starts with you. Lying down your labels, your judgment, your pride and admitting that you're human; Sharing your struggles. Because chances are, at least one other person feels the same. I'm not asking you to run a marathon, or go base jumping, or eat a tarantula or anything. Just to think about it. ...And next time that you look someone in your eyes and talk to them, no matter the 'class' they've been put into, you might just see the same pain in their eyes as that of the eyes in the mirror
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