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Today finds me feeling much better. It;s raining where I am, and has cooled down considerably. Finally, the summer heat is abating. With much prayer and scripture reading I'm not depressed anymore. Forgetting about the past is something I'm desperately striving for. Forgiving the person for it  is harder than I ever thought it would be. Joyce Meyers says it's possible to forgive a person yet still feel the same, emotionally...that God understands. I pray this is so. I've forgiven the person responsible for my pain, but the emotional trauma is still very vivid in me. With time I pray it fades away...i only wish it would hurry up. I'm so glad to be back here, on the site. I cant tell you what a difference it's made for me. Just being surrounded by Brothers and Sisters and knowing I'm not alone in this has made a vast improvement in my mental state. Thank God for JC Faith. Thank God for all of you. The weekend is here and the chilly weather is so wonderful. I'm sure going to do my best to enjoy it....Hope you all do too!

~Diane~

It's been over a year since my last visit here. So much has happened.The last time I was here I was recovering from a fatal heart attack I had gone through. I'm completely well now and have not been back to the hospital since. Good thing because I had a long road to travel ...a road which I have finally reached the end of....for now. My HUsband finally divorced me...he had left me in Aug. 2005 for another woman that he was having an affair with unbeknownst to me. For two years I fought him and struggled to survive as I was a heart patient way back then, before the death, which he deliberately caused. I lost bitterly in the divorce and was ejected from my home of 16 years, with very little money to carry me through. I made my way to Ocala, Fl. to live with my Parents, taking only what I could fit in my car along with my two precious doggies, which he didnt manage to wrest away from me. It's been 4 months since all this happened. I'm finally beginning to recover. This was the hardest, most painful thing I have ever gone through in my entire life. I hadnt felt like doing anything for a long time , but I must be feeling better because here I am. I have so missed this place of love and comfort, but I was ashamed to share all this with my loved ones, here, because I didnt just go through the divorce....something else, very bad, happened. That's fodder for another story. I'm just glad to be back here where I'm loved, as a Christian. Lately, I've been under attack by people for being Catholic. I made the mistake of saying homosexuality was against the Lords laws and they ripped me to shreds. They said Jesus taught us to love one another...that if I'm an example of the "new Christianity" they want nothing to do with it or people like me. That Catholics are warped and a cult religion. I KNOW where this is coming from but after all I've been through it made me feel really sad. It made me question, you know? Which, of course, is exactly how satan attacks us. I just needed to be here...to "run home" ...to be with people who wont bash me for being Catholic. To soothe my damaged emotions.  It's been a nightmare these two years and I've stayed strong in my love for Abba and Jesus and the Holy Spirit...but I'm feeling weak today.....Please pray for me.....

Diane

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

I'm home two weeks now and feeling better. I've been resting a lot and taking it easy and getting back to normal. I havent been out, much, except to run errands and take care of my responsibilities. The thought of partying and going out with friends is still too much for me. I still have my days where I cant believe what happened to me and I still have my days where a great depression sets in and I cry for awhile. The Doctors say that's normal. I know I went somewhere, and I know I havent remembered all of it yet, but it will come. I found the shirt they had cut off of me, yesterday, and it brought back some memories that led to some depression but I'm getting over it. It's all just so very weird. I spend a lot of time praying. It's true, what they say.....when you die all the worry and fear and pain are gone and when you come back as violently as I had you wonder why you came back. I know it wasnt my choice. That it wasnt left up to me. The decision was made by Our Divine Lord and there must be something He wants me to do. My dreams are vivid and I wake up feeling scared sometimes....life is so hard and I'm still doing battle with Assholious. I'm tired of the fight but I refuse to give up. I will see this to the end.It must be this way. He brought the battle to me, not me to him. Looks like it's going to be awhile longer before it's over. Doesnt matter to me.....I have no plans for the future as far as being in another relationship. I am awed at how my body has performed. I cannot believe what it was put through and that I came out of it just as I was before, with no damage. It is a personal testimony to the strength I posess. And I am awed by that, as well. I have missed blogging every day but I'm beginning to get strong enough to start doing it again. I have missed it as I have missed all my friends. So, to all of you I send my love.....

I want to extend my deepest and most heart-felt thanks to all those who extended Birthday Greetings and Get well wishes to me. You brightened my life with the sunshine of your Christian Love and each one of you, my Brothers and Sisters, are DEEPLY loved by me! Today was my first trip to Mass since my medical crisis.....it was glorious and I cried with Joy! The Great and Immortal Physician has healed me and continues to make me whole, once again, day by day! In His perfect Love..... Diane

I have been gone for 3 weeks and I'm sure most are wondering what happened to me. I have quite a story to tell. It seems quite unbelievable to me so I'm sure many of you will be shocked to hear it, but it is a tale that must be told. On August 7th, an ordinary day, I came home from a terrific workout at the gym . I felt great. I took off my sneakers and fixed a nice cup of coffee and settled down to read some Scripture, which I'd been getting into lately. I simply turned to a page and began to read. The story was about Lazarus. Shortly after I began to read, I started having some chest pressure and began to get worried about it, so I woke up my Son Joe and popped a nitro glycerin tablet. The pressure wouldnt go away so I popped another. In the time it took for Joe to don a Tshirt and shorts, I was in a great deal of pain. My intention was for us to maybe drive to the ER but the pain had reached a lethal level to where I knew that would be impossible so I told him to simply call 911. By the time the paramedics arrived i was nearly unconcious from the pain. They did all they could before transporting me to the hospital, even giving me healthy doses of morphine which did nothing to alleviate the pain. The pain was the most unbearable that I have ever felt and this had been my 5th heart attack in 2 years. I was happy to reach the Er where I knew my doctors would alleviate the pain by opening my occluded stent. I was not afraid or worried.....only looking forward to feeling the pain go away. They began the procedure, and inflated the balloon, but there was no relief. The next thing i remember hearing was my Doctor saying "Oh shit! She's clotting all over the place! Get the crash team and all warm bodies in here......" And then it was over. My Life. I was dead. There was no longer any pain......no fear.....no worry. Just peaceful darkness and perfect peace. I woke to my hand being gripped. It was my Son, Joe. I tried to talk and could not......there was a nasogastric tube in my nose and I was on a respirator. I was also tied to the bed. I understand I was trying to sit up and thrashing around when I began to regain conciousness. I asked for a pen and paper and wasnt writing legibly, at first, until I was asked to print slowly. My first question was "Did I die?" The answer was "yes". I had died for 20 minutes. My kidneys shut down and I began to bleed into my stomach. They zapped me 16 times with the defibrolator and performed CPR on me for the entire 20 minutes, breaking some ribs in the interim. I didnt care. I was happy to be alive. I was bleeding from my mouth and both sides of my groin. There was an arterial pump in the left side of my groin and 2 cath sheaths in the right, inserted into my femural artery. I'd felt like a truck had driven over me. I had remembered nothing and my next question was....."what time is it"?. It was 9:00 the next morning. I had lost all of Monday. I had lost my life...... On Wednesday I was taken off the respirator and the nasal tube was taken out. On Thursday, I went into cardiac arrest again and was rushed to the cath lab, where I was catheterized again and 2 more stents were added to my collection bringing my total to 10. After spending 5 more days in CCU, they transferred me to progressive care. I tried to shower, the next morning.....and went into cardiac arrest yet again. It was back to CCU for me, where i remained until Aug. 23rd, at which time I was again transferred to progressive care.On Aug. 26th I was finally released from the hospital after 3 weeks. I have no brain damage or heart damage. I'm a little slow and need lots of rest but i will heal and be completely normal. I believe this is due to all the prayers offered up for me by so many people. Many were praying and God worked His magic.....I am His walking witness. Thank you is not enough to say to all those who kept me in their prayers.... You have my eternal, undying love forever. For anyone who doubts the existence of God....I assure you, there is no reason to doubt anymore.

In my daily reading of reports of the attacks on Israel, my heart breaks. My Mother was born Jewish. I am only second generation Russian/Jew. My Family had to flee their country to escape the Bolsheviks and came through Ellis Island a very long time ago. i have ahalways been PROUD of the fact that I am considered Jewish, because my Mother is. I have enjoyed the best of both worlds. My Mom met my Dad when he was 15 and she was 14. She had converted to Christianity just the year before. My GrandParents should have disowned her when she married my Father 6 years after they began dating, but they did not. They welcomed him and celebrated me, as their first Grandchild born to them. Growing up, I adored my GrandParents....and they ALWAYS made sure I attended CAtholic Mass every Sunday, when I was with them. I had the BEST of both worlds. The Bible says, "he who defends Israel will be blessed and He who seeks to destroy it will perish". I think we can all agree that the Israelites have been the most persecuted and enslaved people in existence....and here are the Muslims calling for their deaths. Our Jesus was born a Jew....that was no mistake. They are and always have been the chosen ones. Only through Jesus can we get to the Father. Only through Jesus' death can we be absolved our sins. When I see a Muslim woman crying over the death of her family or neighbors or their children...God forgive me, I can have no sympathy. Dislike is one thing....but hatred is quite another. There's enough hatred going on in this world today, that we certainly dont need anymore. And so my prayers are for Israel.....my anguish is for them, each time the infidels launch their rockets and take pleasure in the precious lives they destroy. And I pray for myself.....that my heart will be softened .....for we need to pray for our enemies, who neeed it the most. Happy Sunday...... And.....my love to all who want it.