Well, it's been a long while since I've been active on the web and I have news.
First, I've moved back to Colorado, where I'm currently living with my dad for a while. I'm helping him with a part time scrapping business which I enjoy alot. Second, I joined the Mormom Church! YEs thats right. I started in Novemeber going to thier church and having the missionaries come to my apartment. I began to fill the Holy Spirit talking to me and decided to tak a leap of faith and was rebaptized and confirmed before I moved from Garden. I can saw that I knew immediately that it was the right decision and am happy now. Here's a testimony that I wrote a few days after my baptism:
I Was – Part one
Having been raised in a Christian church all my life, I often (through God’s grace) knew and understood many scriptures by heart and can readily recite several, including my favorites. And while I knew the scriptures in my head, I often wondered if that in a way caused me problems with faith. I knew the Word, and felt in my heart they were true but I never felt the Spirit’s presence. I never felt happy in my heart, I could be happy in my head but not in my heart. I often felt as Ernest Hemmingway, “Even in a crowd, I was alone.” I hated the world. I was cynical and somewhat bitter. I was lost. All of this began in my early teens and may have even been after my first baptism. I don’t think my mom “pressured me” but I do feel that it was the wrong time and wrong place. After my baptism, I stopped going to church for a while and throughout my time in La Junta I never once went to church. I was angry at the time. And I knew that my conversion was not real and my words were lies. And yet I still knew the scriptures and thought about what they meant from time to time. I rarely read the Word but I could hold a conversation with almost anyone about what they said and meant. And I called myself a Christian. But in reality I was lost.
When I moved over to Garden four (?) years ago , I intended to finish my studies, and then I didn’t know; I had no plan ( I’m impulsive like that). But the Lord did. J This year I have done A LOT of soul searching. I was going to write some of this one my Myspace before and due to laziness (and maybe fear) I never did. While here I felt comfortable in my living alone (I don’t know if that feeling will ever change but I know that I will not spend as much time alone anymore), but not at peace (I thought I was). There was more but now as I move on I scarcely remember any of it.
The Change – Part Two
When the missionaries came to my door (which was according to them the last door they knocked on that day) I wanted to learn what they believed (I enjoy learning lots of things), but I never intended to believe it. As a friend of mine said,” I was bored.” And at first I tried to find doctrine that contradicted what I knew to be true. I couldn’t. And as I went to Church and the Steels’ house I saw, felt, and hear love, peace, kindness, and happiness (the fruits of the Spirit). On Monday (December, 17, 2007) I asked many questions and started to believe in my heart. My head was still clinging to my past. But as I told the missionaries, through my prayers, I felt the Lord’s love, peace, and happiness. I acted on faith and told Elder Brown and Elder Hatcher that I wanted to be baptized and receive the Holy Spirit. I even in my prayers expressed my desire fervently to the Lord, pleading that He would grant me His peace. I still had doubts though; some of the things I had read caused me doubt. So I asked God for a confirmation sign. He granted that desire (it was kind of scary and humbling to see His power). As soon as I received that I was so happy I wanted to call my mom, sister, friends, and everyone. I told my neighbor, I called the missionaries, wanted to call Jake. I wanted to read the Word, and preach of His goodness at the same time.
Saturday – Baptism
I was asked if I was excited, I had been the night before but that day I was nervous and the Devil was putting a lot of thoughts in my head. I was very tense and afraid that it would again be untrue. I did feel the Spirit’s presence though but if fleeted in and out. Then when Jake dunked me, I asked myself,”was it real?” No answer came at first I decided that from the shock of the water I couldn’t tell and to give it time. In the changing room and shortly after I immediately felt so happy and joyful (I can’t describe that feeling adequately with words). I wanted to hug everyone and give my testimony right then and there. I went home feeling peace.
Sunday – Confirmation
Having only my previous feeling of great joy, I had no true base mark for this experience and I expected that the same joy I felt before would constantly fill me forever. And as I thought that nothing happened, I felt slightly dismayed. But I called my mom and sister, who both have previous experience with the Holy Ghost I asked them questions and they asked me if I felt peace at dieing, where would I go. And As I write these words I again feel great joy and peace and in my quiet times I feel peace. As someone who never wanted to hug much, I laugh (happily) at my sudden desire to hug everyone and tell them of the peace and happiness I have found. I have to restrain myself to avoid turning them away (I joked earlier today that if I went unrestrained people would think,” He’s crazy”).
Was it real?
If I didn’t know how I felt before and the way I feel now then I might question and this may be a weakness of my flesh that the devil has at his disposal. But I know the joy I felt after my baptism and I know the peace I feel and the happiness I’ve felt over the last few days. I am changed, no more bitter cynicism and contentment. Now I have peace and happiness; No more anger. Even things that used to make me mad now have little effect. I know this is true and that the Book of Mormon is inspired Word of God and true. I know without needing proof the same way I know without proof that the Bible is true.
Tags: Religion Testimony
I get tired of being asked what type of Christian I am. Christianity is not a religions it's a relationship. That means if you believe in God, accept Jesus as your Savior, and through the Holy Spirit's help try to live like Christ and spread the good word no matter whether a lutheran, catholic, mormon, etc you're still a christian. Now I will admit that I don't count the catholic religion as christian but that is a different blog altogether. But if a catholic person does what the bible says then he/she is a child of God. Sects, branches, and divisions are just differences of opinion, and most are petty. Now i'm not an expert and I never claim to be. I do need to do some research about the different sects but as far as I can tell most believe the same basic principles. We have a common creed. So what do I believe? I believe that God made the earth, universe in 6 literal days, the earth is less than 10,000 years old (some say 6,000 based on numbering of generations and I find that credible), God created animals according to their kind, man is not an evolved cousin of monkeys, adam and eve both sinned and brought death to the world, Satan was an angel who turned away from God (they have free will) and tried to gain more power, God knew that we would sin and therefore prepared the way for His son to become our Savior, Jesus was God in the flesh who died for our sins and was ressurected on the third day, and He will return one day when the time is right. Oh yeah and every word in the bible is true. These are my beliefs and i'll stick to them.
