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The simple fact that we learn through failure is woven into every aspect of our lives.

Recently I have been relying on myself way too much. I can look back and see where I strayed from the course too. It's funny how when we look back we get a sense of clarity that we lacked during our journey. I know how easy it is to lose sight of all that is important to our faith (that is our relationship with Christ), and latch onto something that feels comfortable, or seems easy, or just feels good to us. My struggle has been with leaning on my own understanding. I know, I know, scripture is clear in Proverbs 3:5

5 Trust in the LORD with all your heart
       and lean not on your own understanding;

But, I dare say that I am not alone in this. You see, I was not tricked or conned, or even manipulated. I simply forgot to trust. I let myself believe that somehow I was capable of controling my situation, and therefore my own life. Have you been guilty of this? Who besides Christ hasn't? I am thankful that I have a loving heavenly Father, who never gives up on me. He promises that He will always forgive too.

So, what was my big moment of clarity? What was my lack of trust? Well, this is what has been going on:

I have been so busy for this past year, working, starting a new business, and being a dad. So busy that I started to let a vital part of my life support system slip out of control. I have a few close friends, who through the years have been my teachers, mentors, and advisors. They have listened to my heart when I needed to speak, they have been there when I needed someone to lean on, and they have stood in the gap for me when I needed someone to pray. They have been faithful, friends. Me, on the other hand have been too busy for them. I focused on my own little world so intensly, that I forgot to be a friend to my friends.

So, when I needed counsel, or prayer, or someone to hear my heart, I felt as if I had no one to turn to. I couldn't let myself ask it of one of these men to whom I had been unfaithful as a friend. So I listened to my own reason, my own understanding during times that I should have sought the counsel of Godly men. I reasoned that it made sense that I rely on my hearing from God and discerning His direction on my own. I believed that I could give my self great advice, afterall, how many people seek advice from me regularly.In fact, work is great, and the business is growing very well. So, maybe I was right afterall.... No, I wasn't right........

From all appearances this past year has been great. But here is what's missing. I want to celebrate what God has done, I want to share with all those who stood with me, I want to toast to a job well done! But, i did it alone. I didn't include my friends in the journey. They want to be part of a celebration with me, but haven't experienced the journey with me. So, I failed. Amos wrote: Amos 3:3

3 Do two walk together
       unless they have agreed to do so? 

Sure my friends will continue to support me, but how much better could this year have been, if I had been a real friend.

Proverbs 27 says:

17 As iron sharpens iron,
       so one man sharpens another.

To my dear friends, I say I am sorry. This victory is not as sweet without you. I need all of you to continue to reflect Jesus to me. I see Him in each of you. Thank you for being the kind of men who speak their hearts to a brother and a friend. May the God of my salvation bring Imeasureable blessings to each of you and your families. may your children inherit your strenght, wisdom, and wealth. May our friendship be rekindled with His love. hear my heart when I say to each of you, I love you.

10,000 Blessings,

-Paul

~DEATH~
WHAT A WONDERFUL WAY TO EXPLAIN IT..   

 A sick man turned to his doctor as he was preparing to  
leave the examination room and said,   "Doctor, I am afraid to die.  Tell me what lies on the other side."  

Very quietly, the doctor said, "I don't know." 
 
"You don't know?  You, a Christian man,  
do not know what is on the other side?"  

The doctor was holding the handle of the door;  
on the other side came a sound of scratching and whining,  
and as he opened the door, a dog sprang into the room  
and leaped on him with an eager show of gladness.
 
Turning to the patient, the doctor said,  
"Did you notice my dog?  
He's never been in this room before.  
He didn't know what was inside.  
He knew nothing except that his master was here,  
and when the door opened,  he sprang in without fear.  
I know little of what is on the other side of death,  
but I do know one thing...  

I know my Master is there and that is enough."  

I am glad that the Master is waiting, are you?

My daughter probably still doesn't understand just how blessed she is. Today she had to go to court for a speeding ticket she received last month. She really was expecting the worst too. By some stroke of divine intervention, the presiding judge was a special judge, just filling the seat for the day. He dismissed practically every charge for every defendant. He was only making them pay for court costs. here we are expecting to pay a large fine, and along with an increase in insurance costs. But, because of a special judge, we only had to pay court costs, and my daughter has no record of a ticket at all. My only concern is I hope that she really has learned her lesson in this ordeal. I hope that she doesn't take for grantid her great blessing. I know that there are sceptics out there that will say that God had nothing to do with this, but He is faithful even when we are not...he promises to never leave us or forsake us. (Hebrews 13)

A few day ago, someone whom I love, said something to me that I have had a difficult forgiving them for. You see, they said it in anger with the intention of hurting me. I know that we have to forgive, but there are times when the pain of words can make doing the very thing that you must do to be free, difficult. I thought that by writing this, my thoughts might turn to the Lord who would compel me to do what I know it is he wants me to do. The person who said "Sticks and stones may break my bones, but words will never hurt me", had it very wrong. The pain caused by these words hurt more than any pain I have ever experienced. That is no exaggeration, when I was younger I was shot with a gun, and that injury didn't hurt as much as this does. I believe that my friend is believing a lie from the devil, and Im praying, and believing that the truth outshine this lie. I have thought about every word said and have examined my heart to make sure that there was no truth to it, have found none. I have asked them to help clarify what it they said, to help me understand why they would say it. They said that this was just the way they felt about me. I even asked them if they would be willing to hear from God to help change the way they were feeling, and they responded with a quick no! If this was someone whom I hardly knew, it would be easy to just forgive this person and move on, but this is someone that I love, someone I believe that I would have laid my life down for. I dont want this to this to be the end of a wonderful friendship, but even when I forgive them for what they said, I still have the dilema of these being genuine feelings for this person. Please pray for both of us, for me to be all that God wants me to be for my friend, for my friend that they will examine their heart too, and hear from the Lord about the way they feel, and that they will hear from me about my genuine love for them. I have more than one relationship that I'm struggling with, I'm not sure that this is one i would like to see taken away by the enemy.

Malachi 4:6 6 He will turn the hearts of the fathers to their children, and the hearts of the children to their fathers; or else I will come and strike the land with a curse." It is no secret that my life has been in a state of change lately. I have moments when I am lost in it too... Everything that I do is about building relationships. My own children hear me talk of relationships daily. They hear about the the things we do as people to either build up or tear down relationships. I know that they listen too, I see them practice being good friends often. Sometimes though, it is me that needs to take to heart my own instruction: Yesterday started like many others in our home, everyone heading off in several directions. My son was at a friends house, my wife was heading off to work, my daughter was droping a friend off for a test, and then heading off to work herself. That left me alone in the house. Being alone is not a good thing for me. I needed to be out somewhere, doing something. I called a friend and we decided to just hang out for awhile. After running some errands I headed for my friends home. I was enjoying my afternoon laughing and working with a friend. Then I got a call from my daughter asking if some friends could come over to go swimming. At first I wasn't very keen on the idea, there is a lot of history with these friends. But, because I love my daughter I said yes. I believe with all of my heart that God ordained this moment for all of us: As I said before my life is in the process of change, to be honest I have lost one of my best earthly friends, this friend happens to be my daughter. She for various reasons is not at all happy with life as it is and is in pursuit of life as she wants it. This, unfortunately, tends to be in stark contrast to the lifestyle that God calls us as Christians to live. I believe that God is at work to draw her closer to him. I waiting on the Lord for His restoration. History: the friends that my daughter invited to come over and go swimming are both significant persons in our lives. One literally almost destroyed my ministry with a lie, and the other almost became part of our family. The subject of this blog is the latter. Her name is Charity: This young lady has always been part of our extended family; she was my daughters roommate in the group home they lived in prior to the kids adopting us.There was a period of time when we thought she would become part of our family, and we sought God and with His blessing she came to live with us one summer. She had visited over several weekends and things always went well. When Charity came for the summer it became very apparent that my daughter could not be healthy with another girl in the home. She guarded her relationship with me too much. She felt very threatened by Charity's presence. Charity was miserable because of it. She longed to belong to someone too. Charity is wise beyond her years, she asked to go back to the group home. She gave up what she wanted for her friend. My daughter has no idea about this because I just found out yesterday myself. On our drive to my home Charity, who is almost 19 years old now shared her heart with me about our relationship. We tried to stay in contact with her in the years after that summer, and always hoped that maybe someday she might change her mind. My daughter would invite her over for the weekend sometimes, and we would see signs of the same tension that was there that summer. I knew that I wouldn't sacrifice my daughter's emotional safety for anyone else, so I put distance between Charity an us. Charity shared with me that she had felt some hurt when we didn't come to her high-school graduation. The truth is that we made a decision not to go, I put my daughter's needs and wants above my desire to be there. My daughter wanted to do something with family, So instead of supporting Charity, we went to a local amusement park. I asked Charity to forgive for this yesterday. I found out in my thirty minuts of driving with Charity that she still desires to have a relationship with us. She is in love and hoping that this young man may ask her to marry him.She asked if I would give her away as her father. I am so sorry that I gave up on this little girl, God please forgive me. I made a promise to Charity that we would support her in any way we can. She deserves it. Now, I wish that I had been better at being a dad. I almost missed the blessing of having another daughter. I'm not sure how to protect Lauren, my daughter at home though, Last night I saw the same little tensions in her. It was interesting though, my daughter who has been barely talking to me; needed me to tuck her in and pray with her lastnight. She hasn't needed that for years now. Lord work through all of this and help me to be a father to both of these ladies. Help them both to find you in the journey, guide their steps according to your plans for their life. Protect them from the attacks of the enemy, and Lord draw all of us closer to you.

We can live only in relationships. We need each other. A rather crude and cruel experiment was carried out by Emperor Frederick, who ruled the Roman Empire in the thirteenth century. He wanted to know what man's original language was: Hebrew, Greek, or Latin? He decided to isolate a few infants from the sound of the human voice. He reasoned that they would eventually speak the natural tongue of man. Wet nurses who were sworn to absolute silence were obtained, and though it was difficult for them, they abided by the rule. The infants never heard a word -- not a sound from a human voice. Within several months they were all dead. I wonder if in this hi-tech world we are building if we are making sacrifices that will later haunt us. When was the last time you spent the afternoon talking with someone you love? Not by text or IM or any other electronic means. As a dad I have felt a strain on my relationships with my kids as they dive deeper into the electronic mediums. I'm not gonna take it lying down though, I will pursue them, even if its just to let them know with a dads voice that I love them.

Amos 3:3 3 Do two walk together unless they have agreed to do so? One of the hardest things I have ever done is to tell one of closest friends that we couldn't be as close as we once were. Every earthly relationship that we has to balanced with our relationship to God. recently, God has been working in my heart to change me. He pointed out that a friend of mine was too often coming between God and me. I had to make some changes. I encouraged my friend to examine our relationship and see if the Lord was speaking to them as well. That is when things went from bad to worse. At first this friend said that God had spoken to them and that they would make Him First in their life. They promised that God was at the center of our friendship and that we would grow closer to Christ through our friendship. I believed him because I love him. It turns out that my friend was lying and I relay feel as if I were just being used by him. It seems that this friend was just saying what they thought I needed to hear so I would continue to hang out with him. I knew almost immediately that things were not right. I prayed and God spoke to me about my relationship with Him. I needed to make a decision, continue to cherish this earthly friendship, and by doing this, place it above the Lord in my life. Or, put limits on my friendship in order to follow my God. I chose to Follow God. This morning I told a dear friend that I need to put Christ first in my life and that meant that I had to take a look at our friensdship and balance it to my relationship with Christ. I let him know that I would pray for him. I want this person to return to their relationship with God, and give up the things that are keeping him from that. then I believe that we can once again be friends. I will miss my friend, but I want to be more like Jesus.:em4600:

Just up the road from the farmer's house is a field containing two horses. From a distance, they both look like any other horse. But if you stop to look more closely, you will notice something quite amazing. Looking into the eyes of the larger horse will disclose that he is blind. His owner has chosen not to have him put down, and has made a good home for him. If you listen closely, you will hear the soft sound of a bell. Looking around for the source, you will see that it comes from the smaller horse in the field. The owner attached a bell to her halter. It lets her blind horse friend know where she is, and he can follow her around easily. As you stand and watch this pair, you'll see how she constantly checks on him, and he is always litening for her bell and then slowly walks to where she is. When she returns to the shelter of the barn each evening, she stops occasionally and looks back, making sure her blind friend isn't far behind to hear her bell. Like the owners of these two horses, God does not throw us away just because we are not perfect or because we have problems or challanges. He watches over us and even brings others into our lives to help us when we are in need. Sometimes we are the blind horse being guided by the little ringing bell of those who God places in our lives. Other times we are the guide horse, guiding others. Good friends are like this..........You don't always see them, but you know they are always there. They take turns listening for each other's bells when the other needs guidance.

"Daddy" the voice said on the line, "I need you to come get me". Are you alright, I asked. "Noooo (tears welling up), my boyfriend and I just broke up and my car has died, I need you to come get me. I think that God is after me. Hurry daddy, K, I Love you." I am on my way baby gurl, I love you too. Sometimes God uses the apparent tragedies of our lives to draw us closer to Him. Yesterday I complained to God about yet another misadventure my daughter had undertaken, and God used it to change my heart. When I got to my daughter, she threw open her arms and hugged me tighter that she has in a long time.These words came from her mouth:"Daddy please forgive me for disobeying you, I have been talking to God, and He me and told me I need to talk to you." I believe myself to be a manly, man so to speak. The kind of guy that never shows fear, or pain, or you know how this list goes; certainly I would never let anyone see me cry. That is unless it has to do with the women in my life.Too often when I'm praying with my wife, or listening to her retell a heart breaking scene from a book she is reading, or even when we see a sad part in a movie, i just cry with her. The same is true with my daughter. Something about their tears bring such emotion to my manly heart that I just cant help but cry. Now I need to be clear here, it is only with these two that I cry. I know that I tried very hard to hold back tears in the parking lot of the gas station, where, I stood holding my daughter as she poured her heart out to me. Thats all I need to say about that scene. Well, the car is definitely dead, we have towed it home to await its prognosis. It looks like it will need a new motor. My daughter on the other hand is not dead. She is broken hearted. When we began to process the events of the days that had conspired to cause us pain and hurt, we began the process of healing as well. I know that God could, with just a thought, change all these circumstances; but, I believe that we learn so much more from the experience, by allowing the Lord to walk us through the healing process. Leaning on Him, learning to depend on Him. God is so wonderful. He demonstrates His love daily. Often I think that I miss His demonstrations because I'm too busy being me. For my daughter, the words I shared with her can be summed up in these. "baby gurl, it is easy to forgive you, because I know how much the Lord has forgiven me". I shared with her this verse as well: Proverbs 24:16 16 for though a righteous man falls seven times, he rises again, but the wicked are brought down by calamity. I know that in the scope of life, that this is just a blip on the radar screen, but for me it has significance because it was my daughter. Her broken heart matters to me, will it be her last? I hope so, but probably not. I know this though, she'll never be alone in her life's journey. The Lord is always with her, and when she needs me I will hurry, because I love her.

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