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Ecclesiastes 3:1: There is a time for everything, and a season for every activity under heaven.

This verse rings so true for me right now, and luckily I just flipped to it tonite.  I am waiting on a job proposition, and am so close to hearing an answer.  The interview was back in November, but it's taken much patience, and still am.  Asking anyone for prayers that this may be God's will. 

Thanks!

I know that all of us has someone just rub you the wrong way, and no matter how hard you tried, this particular person would just not accept you. I guess I am asking for prayer, and I don't want to sound negative and complain. Being here in S. Korea, and a part of this program has really been challenging at times, but at others, interesting and I feel I have been growing. I also do feel God's blessing, and know that I am not alone. I appreciate and thank God for all the people He has brought in my life, that are caring and full of love. Even though I am 22, I still feel like I act immature at times, even as if I were back in high school. There is another girl that's participating in the program, and I'm trying not to let my judgments get in the way, but it's really been hard to actually like her. Perhaps I am making this very self-centered, and I need to let go of my own selfishness here. Of course, she is extremely skinny, nice tan, is very fashionable, but I definitely get a vibe from her, she can't accept me. We've only been in the program for about 2 weeks now, but it's been very hard to be around her. I don't feel like I can really be myself, and talk about how God has been working my life around her or the other participants. I also haven't set the best example either, but always showing God's love and being a witness. Eh. I only feel self-conscious around her, when she goes out of her way to avoid me. I don't know why I'm worrying so much about her acceptance of me, I guess the devil knows how to attack my weaknesses as well. Please keep praying, as I will not fall away from God. Thanks... and sorry for the negative tone. God bless and smile everyone....

I safely arrived to S. Korea on Friday evening (their time). It was a long day, from flying out of my hometown to Minneapolis. Waiting another 4 hours to fly to Tokyo, and then finally into Busan, S. Korea. A few of you may be wondering why I am here in this particular country, of all places. I was adopted by my American parents when I was 2 from here. Grew up in a small town south of Grand Rapids, Michigan, and I will be participating in an immersion program for adult adoptees. I'm going to be living at a dorm at Inje University and living with a Korean girl, who's studying english. I'll be taking some special classes, such as Korean culture, Korean language, Korean music, Korean cooking, Tae Kwon Do, etc. All I can say is, I love this place already. I had gone back to visit with my parents through another short program for adoptees and their families from all over the U.S. for three weeks. My host family is extremely nice, and I feel comfortable already. They speak limited english, but we are communicating allright. I don't miss home yet, but maybe that's a good thing. For me, it's weird to see Koreans everywhere, and hardly any foreigners (even though I am myself one). Growing up, I've always been used to being the one to stick out in any crowd. I thank God that I have been able to be here, and experience this opportunity. So many things I am thankful. Just graduating from college, and now this trip. When I come home, perhaps a real job. He's amazing, that's all I can say, and I don't want to lose focus of Him while I'm here. So please keep prayers for staying close to Him. Thank you. And God bless!

Tonite I talked with a guy who wasn't afraid to open up and share some deep but insightful stuff. It was only a couple of weeks ago he became a Christian, and amazing how he says God has been working in his life. I feel he knows more about God and Christianity than I have ever known. Basically I grew up in a Christian home, knowing God. There are a lot of 'us' like that I believe. And I believe when we are asked questions and doubted, we can be challenged and can cause frustration because we may not be able to answer to the best of our ability/knowledge. I am terrible when someone tries to debate me on anything Christianity and God. I hate to seem like I am copping out and 'weak' to even discuss. I guess I just need to strengthen my own relationship with God first to try to have a better understanding from the other perspective. But, when talking to this friend, he has definitely come from a past of brokenness. Suffering makes me sad in any form of course. It's hurting to even know the pain that humans have to really endure. But I've been told God doesn't give us anything we can't handle. He also said some other things that seemed as if he knew what I have been going through lately. At the beginning of the summer, I broke off an engagement, and relationship of 2 years and 2 months. Sigh, it wasn't easy, and I am still going through much confusion and mixed feelings. Even though it was a fairly recent breakup, I look back on the relationship and how unhealthy we both were, which caused for many problems. The first thing, we were both incredibly insecure, and I think we used the relationship for security and comfort. In my own mind, I keep thinking that I am never going to meet the right guy, get married or settle down. So I think I settled. As the relationship progressed, it was actually tumbling down a cliff. I didn't exactly treat him the best, or with respect, and eventually we got to the point where we fought every single day. A good part of the relationship was long distance, and we both attended different colleges this past year. Not only with the distance being extremely hard, we did not have God at the center of our relationship. And I believe that was the root of all our problems. I believe I was too controlling, from the beginning of the relationship, and I had a hard time accepting him for what he was. Without telling him I wanted him to change, I think I made it pretty clear on more than one level. There were even many times I would say very hurtful things, which resulted him being hurt and even crying. I acted careless on many levels. I think it got to the point I pushed him to the edge, to where he actually didn't believe I cared or even loved him from the beginning. I know, I sound like a very demeaning and harsh person, but the truth is, I don't think I have ever accepted or loved the person God has created me to be. No, I didn't grow up in a rough home, unloved, without support, abused, and all the like you could try to imagine. It was nothing like that. I think it was years built up convincing myself of things that weren't true and relying on others opinion of me way too much. But those who don't really love the person God created them to be, can't or don't know how to love another person. It's hard for them to accept the fact they could be loved by another. But the breaking point, was when I found out (through a mutual acquaintance, well one of the guys who was attending the same school he wasw), my exfiance was someone I could not trust, and basically there was another girl in the picture. Now I could go on about how bitter I am, and how I am still upset, but I guess it doesn't do any good complaining. I am still praying to God for healing and the ability to forgive him and this girl. It's ironic because the guy I talked with tonite told me that when you're in a relationship with someone you love and they have really hurt you, that you should leave them so they can know what they did isn't acceptable. Eh. It was as if he knew about my situation. Even from the beginning, and through different times of the relationship, I was ignoring God because I got a feeling He didn't want me to be in this relationship. Now I understand why. But I was selfish and was settling for something convenient. I am scared to be alone, and I have strong desires in my heart to be with someone and have a family. But that is obviously up to God. I think everyone in their younger years have the same exact worry, and that if they are meant to be single, God wouldn't put desires in their heart in the first place. Trust and patience are so key, but extremely hard when it comes to this. Sorry for rambling on about this, for those that have actually read through this whole blog... didn't mean to make it all about myself..... just getting my thoughts and feelings out. This is usually the best way/place for me to. All I can say is that I keep looking up to God, even though I feel somewhat disconnected too, it makes me sad, but hopefully I can feel close to Him soon. All I need is God....

Dear God, I give up. I surrender. Please forgive me for the times I have repeated my mistakes. I want to change. I want to stop living for myself and be healed. I am feeling empty and sad. I am reaching my hands for You tonite Lord.... Love, Me

Yesterday the BBQ went very well. It was a beautiful day, a lot of amazing people (my friends) showed up, and just fun. It's going to be the last time I see some of them before I leave in two weeks! And last night, I had bible study at my house. It was a rather interesting discussion about faith. Some debate going on, and we have a guy in the group who is far from God right now. He wants questions that obviously can't be answered, and is very frustrated by this. He doesn't believe anyone can just have faith in God, and that faith alone is nothing but a hoax. He can't understand or grasp certain concepts and that obviously drives him to search further. He wants logic and science to prove or disprove God. I am definitely not the best person to talk when it comes to these topics. All I can and have ever told anyone is that I go by my personal experience, and how I have seen God work in the past 22 years of my life. And I can definitely assure you it was since the first years of my life. Had my mom not been able to have children biologically, she wouldn't have adopted me all the way from S. Korea. She says it was in God's planning and timing that I was supposed to be their kid. I don't doubt it one bit. Ah, but now I have to get going to church. God is good.

It's a beautiful day, and it only makes me appreciate God's creation. Plus sunny days start my day with a smile. I got up about half an hour ago, and today will be a little more exciting. My sister will be coming over, and for the past few days a lady has been staying with my family visiting from out of the country. Yesterday I saw the movie 'World Trade Center' with Nicholas Cage, and I had mixed feelings that a movie was done on anything 9/11 so soon. But it was what I pretty much expected, and very emotional. I think everyone in the theater was crying. If you haven't seen any previews, it just focuses on the last two remaining NYPD survivors and the whole time they were waiting to be rescued. They talked about their families and showed courage/strength. My friend Sarah mentioned she believed the movie taught an appreciation for human life. After watching the news briefly yesterday about the planned attacks for this 9/11, it only makes me thankful that I have God in my life, and He will always be watching over me. Now, I know that God isn't going to be taking me by the hand every step along the way here on earth, but there is no doubt where all of us will end up in the end. With that, death shouldn't be something that should be feared so much. Smile because God loves you.

It's been a pretty uneventful day for me, as this whole summer has been laid back. I was supposed to meet up with an old friend for lunch, but he was called into work so we rescheduled for next Tuesday. He leaves for his trip to CO on Thursday, so we are going to make sure we see each other at least before I leave at the end of the month. I feel like I have such little time left before I say my farewells and last minute to do's. Tonite I shall be meeting another friend for a light snack, but that isn't for another couple of hours. So I shall make the most of my time... listening to tunes and chatting with friends... ha... I'm so motivated. I don't like to admit this, but I have distanced myself from God these past couple of days. I know He isn't happy with me and some of the choices I have made, but I know I have to confess and ask Him for His forgiveness. Lacking God only makes me empty. I'm sure that's how most of us feel. It's only been my second day on JC, and I actually got a RL friend to sign up. It's his sixth online community he's a part of. Heh. I want to get right with God again, I want to be a better person and live for Him...

So I'm trying this JCFaith thing out. We'll see how it goes, and who I may end up meeting. I guess it can't be all that bad because it seems like a good way to network with other Christians from anywhere. As for what's been happening lately, I am preparing for my trip this fall, in which I leave August 24. On Saturday I'll be having a thing at the park, inviting close friends and family. It's also a joint thing with my dad, because he also retires at the end of the month, and I also just graduated from college. All I can say it's a relief, and I don't dread starting classes again! Well, I'll have a few years to relax (sorta) before I go to grad school. I think I have been enjoying my summer way too much. After all, it will be my last to relax and hang out with friends every night until late. Then when I come back in December, I'll have to start working in that thing they called the 'real world.' I'm not really scared, in fact, I'm pretty excited in what God has in store for me. I just keep trusting Him with my life, and for guidance, as well as patience, too. the only negative thing happening is that I my left ear is completely plugged up. Eh! Anyways, back to reality. More later.