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Viewing 10 - 18 out of 247 Blogs.
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You may think that I am a louse ‘Cause I wrote you last week ‘bout a mouse I think in my head That the critter is dead There’s no “pitti-pat” in my house. I tried every trap I could find He tore them all up left behind I’ve got him to thank Just wire and a plank And a spring that nobody could wind. So “De-Con” was the weapon we chose Just a sprinkle right there ‘neath his nose He ate his self full ‘Til his senses were dull And now peacefully we can doze. I “Googled” “a dead mouse” I can say So many things came up by the way Just try it and see You may find there ME I’ll sell "A Dead Mouse" on EBAY! Otmer 3/6/07
South American scientists discovered that oils from the coat of an indigenous animal had skin softening properties and were investigating its use in face creams and especially lip balm. They tested the lip balm on four Irish tenors who were to appear at the local opera house. Unfortunately, the tenors discovered the lip balm also had a side effect - it caused severe throat irritation, resulting in the cancellation of their show. Needless to say, the scientists were sued by the four hoarse men of the alpaca lips.
We have had a visitor for the last couple of nights ... someone left the garage door slightly ajar and a little mouse came in and made itself at home. The thing has overstayed its welcome so I stopped by the Dollar General Store last night and bought some mouse traps. Being the hunter that I am, I opened the traps and commenced to do the dastardly deed. Yvonne said she wanted to "bait" the traps and put some American cheese on three of them (I am not sure of the mouse's nationality). I awakened this morning a little before seven am (I go in late today so I slepped in awhile) to the pitter-patter of little feet running across the wooden floor in our "TV" room. Yvonne was already gone so I went about "checking" the traps. One of them had all the cheese eaten from it so I checked it ... Yvonne had slid that little wire (that keeps the trap sprung) all the way through the trigger. I could have jumped up and down on it and it wouldn't have snapped shut ... I went to work on that trap but decided against using American cheese. I used peanut butter instead. I figured, that with all the negative publicity about peanut butter causing people to get sick from botulism toxins in it, that I had two chances to get him (or her). Oh GAG! ... the thought just hit me ... could that thing be pregnant????? Well at least, the "rat" could die from the pressures of the mouse trap or die from eating the "bad" peanut butter. "BO_TOX"????? At least it will die without having a wrinkled forehead ... too late for me. So please pray for us ... and also pray that the Lord will call that little mousie home soon ... to at least put both of us out of our misery ...
Come with me to a third grade classroom..... There is a nine-year-old kid sitting at his desk and all of a sudden, there is a puddle between his feet and the front of his pants are wet. He thinks his heart is going to stop because he cannot possibly imagine how this has happened. It's never happened before, and he knows that when the boys find out he will never hear the end of it. When the girls find out, they'll never speak to him again as long as he lives. The boy believes his heart is going to stop; he puts his head down and prays this prayer, "Dear God, this is an emergency! I need help now! Five minutes from He looks up from his prayer and here comes the teacher with a look in her eyes that says he has been As the teacher is walking toward him, a classmate named Susie is carrying a goldfish bowl that is filled with water. Susie trips in front of the teacher and inexplicably dumps the bowl of water in the boy's lap. The boy pretends to be angry, but all the while is saying to himself, "Thank you, Lord! Thank you, Lord!" Now all of a sudden, instead of being the object of ridicule, the boy is the object of sympathy. The teacher rushes him downstairs and gives him gym shorts to put on while his pants dry out. All the other children are on their hands and knees cleaning up around his desk. The sympathy is wonderful. But as life would have it, the ridicule that should have been his has been transferred to someone else - Susie. She tries to help, but they tell her to get out. You've done enough, you klutz!" Finally, at the end of the day, as they are waiting for the bus, the boy walks over to Susie and whispers, "You did that on purpose, didn't you?" Susie whispers back, "I wet my pants once too." May God help us see the opportunities that are always Remember.....Just going to church doesn't make you a Christian any more than standing in your garage makes Each and everyone one of us are going through tough times right now, but God is getting ready to bless you in a way that only He can. Keep the My instructions were to pick four (4) people that I wanted God to bless, and I picked you. Please pass this to at least four (4) people you want to be blessed and a copy back to me. This prayer is powerful, and prayer is one of the best gifts we receive. There is no cost but a lot of rewards. Let's continue to pray for Father, I ask You to bless my friends, relatives and those that I care deeply for, who are reading this right now. Show them a new revelation of Your love and power. Holy Spirit, I ask You to minister to their spirit at this very moment. Where there is pain, give them Your peace and mercy. Where there is self-doubt, release a renewed confidence through Your grace. Where there is need, I ask you to fulfill their needs. Bless their homes, families, finances, their goings and their comings. Amen. (If the Lord lays upon your heart to send this to more than four "4" people, you are truly blessed). Even if happiness forgets you a little bit, never completely forget about
Dog Logic: There is more truth than poetry in some of the sayings.
The reason a dog has so many friends is that he wags his tail instead of his tongue. -Anonymous
Don't accept your dog's admiration as conclusive evidence that you are wonderful. -Ann Landers
If there are no dogs in Heaven, then when I die I want to go where they went. -Will Rogers
There is no psychiatrist in the world like a puppy licking your face. -Ben Williams
A dog is the only thing on earth that loves you more than he loves himself. -Josh Billings
The average dog is a nicer person than the average person. -Andy Rooney
We give dogs time we can spare, space we can spare and love we can spare. And in return, dogs give us their all. It's the best deal man has ever made. -M. Acklam
Dogs love their friends and bite their enemies, quite unlike people, who are incapable of pure love and always have to mix love and hate. -Sigmund Freud
I wonder if other dogs think poodles are members of a weird religious cult. -Rita Rudner
A dog teaches a boy fidelity, perseverance, and to turn around three times before lying down. -Robert Benchley
Anybody who doesn't know what soap tastes like never washed a dog. -Franklin P. Jones
If I have any beliefs about immortality, it is that certain dogs I have known will go to heaven, and very, very few persons. - James Thurber
If your dog is fat, you aren't getting enough exercise. -Unknown
My dog is worried about the economy because Alpo is up to $3.00 a can. That's almost $21.00 in dog money. -Joe Weinstein
Ever consider what our dogs must think of us? I mean, here we come from a grocery with the most amazing haul, chicken, pork, half a cow. They must think we're the greatest hunters on earth! -Anne Tyler
Women and cats will do as they please, and men and dogs should relax and get used to the idea. -Robert A. Heinlein
If you pick up a starving dog and make him prosperous, he will not bite you; that is the principal difference between a dog and a man. -Mark Twain
You can say any foolish thing to a dog, and the dog will give you a look that says, 'Wow, you're right! I never would've thought of that!' - Dave Barry
Dogs are not our whole life, but they make our lives whole. -Roger Caras
If you think dogs can't count, try putting three dog biscuits in your pocket and then give him only two of them. -Phil Pastoret
My goal in life is to be as good a person as my dog thinks I am.
"The life of the nation is secure only while the nation is honest, truthful, and virtuous." - Frederick Douglass (c.1817-1895).
I've added some new charcoal portraits to my page ... ya just might wanna take a look ... May God bless you today is my prayer ... Bro. Ott
Global Warming Hearing Cancelled Because Of SnowFebruary 15, 2007 – A House Subcommittee hearing on global warming scheduled for February 14 was postponed because of a snow storm. The hearing title is: “Climate Change: Are Greenhouse Gas Emissions from Human Activities Contributing to a Warming of the Planet?”
You probably missed it in the rush of news (some time ago), but there was actually a report that someone in Pakistan had published in a newspaper an offer of a reward to anyone who killed an American, any American.
So an Australian dentist wrote the following to let everyone know what an American is... so they would know when they found one. (Good on ya, mate!!!!) An American is English, or French, or Italian, Irish, German, Spanish, Polish, Russian or Greek.
An American may also be Canadian, Mexican, African, Indian, Chinese, Japanese, Korean, Australian, Iranian, Asian, or Arab, or Pakistani, or Afghan.
An American may also be a Cherokee, Osage, Blackfoot, Navaho, Apache, Seminole or one of the many other tribes known as native Americans.
An American is Christian, or he could be Jewish, or Buddhist, or Muslim.
In fact, there are more Muslims in America than in Afghanistan. The only difference is that in America they are free to worship as each of them chooses.
An American is also free to believe in no religion. For that he will answer only to God, not to the government, or to armed thugs claiming to speak for the government and for God.
An American lives in the most prosperous land in the history of the world.
The root of that prosperity can be found in the Declaration of Independence, which recognizes the God given right of each person to the pursuit of happiness.
An American is generous. Americans have helped out just about every other nation in the world in their time of need.
When the Soviet army overran Afghanistan 20 years ago, Americans came with arms and supplies to enable the people to win back their country!
As of the morning of September 11, Americans had given more than any other nation to the poor in Afghanistan.
Americans welcome the best, the best products, the best books, the best music, the best food, the best athletes. But they also welcome the least.
The national symbol of America, The Statue of Liberty, welcomes your tired and your poor, the wretched refuse of your teeming shores, the homeless, tempest tossed. These in fact are the people who built America.
Some of them were working in the Twin Towers the morning of September 11, 2001 earning a better life for their families. I've been told that the World Trade Center victims were from at least 30 other countries, cultures, and first languages, including those that aided and abetted the terrorists.
So you can try to kill an American if you must.
Hitler did.
So did General Tojo, and Stalin, and Mao Tse-Tung, and every bloodthirsty tyrant in the history of the world.
But, in doing so you would just be killing yourself. Because Americans are not a particular people from a particular place. They are the embodiment of the human spirit of freedom. Everyone who holds to that spirit, everywhere, is an American.
Author unknown
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