To My Unseen Love
I've never looked upon your face;
I do not know your name;
And in some unseen distant place,
I know you will remain
Forever kept apart from me
Across both space and time;
I hope someday these words you'll see,
By chance that you will find
Within this old and worn-out book
The fact so plain and true:
That all my life in vain I looked...
In vain I searched for you.
I'd sit beneath the moonlit skies
In summer's warm night air
And dream of looking in your eyes,
Of you beside me there;
And as I walked, in fantasy
I gently held your hand,
But in the moonlight next to me:
No one there did stand;
And if I could, I would have flown
Across all time and space
And left behind my world I'd known...
And you, my love, embrace.
Michael Langston
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MUSIC
HERE ARE JUST A FEW OF MY FAVORITES
WITHOUT YOU - MY FAVORITE SONG
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IT'S IN HIS KISS - LOL
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I LOVE THIS SONG - GO CRANBERRIES
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SONG FROM MATRIX - THIS MAN IS SO CUTE
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REALITY VIDEO (GRAPHIC) - GOD BLESS THE SAD - THE PRECIOUS CHILDREN WHO LIVE IN DARKNESS- PROOF THAT WORDS CAN HURT
I AM A DIVORCED - SINGLE MOTHER OF SIX. I HAVE THREE BOYS AND THREE GIRLS. MY SIXTH CHILD - ANNA - I ADOPTED HER AT THE AGE OF 13 - SHORTLY AFTER MY DIVORCE. ALL OF MY CHILDREN ARE GROWN - EXCEPT FOR ONE - CHELSEY - WHO IS 15 YEARS OLD AND STILL LIVES WITH ME. I AM CURRENTLY UNEMPLOYED AND LOOKING FOR A JOB - SO PRAY HARD - I NEED ONE - BUT THE LORD WILL PROVIDE.
I HAVE A BIG HEART FOR ALL GOD'S CREATURES - ESPECIALLY THE UNDERDOGS (THE POOR AND THE UNLOVED)OF THIS WORLD. I HAVE HAD TO WALK IN THEIR SHOES SEVERAL TIMES IN MY LIFE AND I FEEL A DEEP COMPASSION FOR THEM. "BLESSED ARE THE POOR IN SPIRIT, FOR THEIRS IS THE KINGDOM OF HEAVEN" - PRAISE AND THANKS TO OUR LORD JESUS!!! JESUS CAME FOR PEOPLE SUCH AS THESE CHILDREN.
I AM A CHILD ADVOCATE FOR LIFE. "LET THE CHILDREN COME UNTO ME" SAID THE LORD. THERE IS NOTHING MORE PRECIOUS AND FRAGILE THAN THE FAITH OF A CHILD. TRAIN THEM IN THE WAYS OF OUR LORD. LOVE THEM AND PROTECT THEM. HUG THEM AND NEVER LET THEM DOWN. IF YOU SEE ABUSE - PLEASE NEVER HESITATE TO REPORT IT - YOU MIGHT JUST SAVE THAT CHILD'S LIFE AND HIS/HER SOUL.
LIKES
I LOVE FAITH IN THE HEALING POWER FROM OUR LORD JESUS CHRIST. I PRAY FOR THE HEALING OF MILA. WHILE IT SEEMS LIKE MOST - INCLUDING HER MOM - ARE TALKING ABOUT WHEN SHE IS GONE - I WILL CONTINUE TO PRAY FOR HER HEALING AND BELIEVE IN THE POWER OF OUR LORD. DEAR LORD - I BRING MILA UP BEFORE YOU IN PRAYER AND THANKSGIVING. MILA NEEDS YOU TO TOUCH HER AND HEAL HER OF THE TUMOR WHICH HAS A HOLD OF HER. GOD FORGIVE THOSE WHO HAVE LITTLE FAITH AND ARE ALREADY TALKING ABOUT HER DEPARTURE FROM US AND STRENGTHEN THEIR FAITH THRU THIS SMALL PRECIOUS GIFT - MILA. THE WORLD IS WATCHING AND THE WORLD NEEDS YOU DEAR LORD. MAY THE WORLD SEE YOUR BEAUTY - YOUR LOVE - YOUR MERCY AND YOUR POWER THRU THIS PRECIOUS GIFT - YOUR CHILD MILA. WE THANK YOU LORD FOR BEING IN OUR LIVES AND FOR THE HOPE THAT YOU GIVE ALL YOUR CHILDREN. MAY WE NEVER FORGET YOUR LOVE AND MAY WE ALWAYS WALK IN YOUR PRESENCE. GLORY BE TO YOU ALWAYS AND FOREVER - IN THE NAME OF JESUS CHRIST - AMEN.
I LOVE TO PRAISE AND WORSHIP OUR LORD JESUS CHRIST. HE IS THE CENTER OF MY WORLD. I FIGHT WITH A DISORDER CALLED MANIC DEPRESSION W/ANXIETIES AND HE IS ALWAYS THERE TO LISTEN TO ME POUT AND CRY ON MY DOWN DAYS - BUT HE NEVER FAILS TO GET ME THRU THEM. HE IS EVEN THERE WHEN THOUGHTS OF SUICIDE ENTER MY MIND AND I AM STILL HERE TO PRAISE AND WORSHIP HIM. I LOVE HIM SO MUCH. I WANT TO SHARE WITH YOU AN EXPERIENCE I HAD NOT TO LONG AGO THAT WILL FOREVER BURN IN MY MEMORY. I WAS ON A TRIP TO THE COAST WITH MY BOYFRIEND AND WAS RESTING MY HEAD AGAINST THE WINDOW WHEN THE SONG "I CAN ONLY IMAGINE" CAME ON. I STARTED TO LET THE WORDS FLOW THRU ME AND I WAS PRAISING THE LORD IN MY HEAD - WHEN I FOUND MYSELF UP IN THE CLOUDS WITH MANY SISTERS AND BROTHERS ALL AROUND ME PRAISING AND WORSHIPING THE LORD TOGETHER. I LOOKED UP INSTANTLY TO SEE OUR LORD JESUS CHRIST - HE WAS SO RADIANT AND BEAUTIFUL. HE LOOKED AT ME AND SMILED. AT THAT MOMENT I GASPED AND AWOKE - TO FIND MYSELF BACK IN THE CAR - BACK IN THIS WORLD. IT WAS THE MOST WONDERFUL EXPERIENCE AND I NEVER NEVER WILL LEAVE OUR LORD - I ONLY WANT TO BE WITH HIM - SO I LIVE ONE DAY AT A TIME AND PRAY AND HOPE TO ONE DAY MAKE IT BACK TO HIM FOR AN ETERNITY. THAT SMILE - I CAN NOT EXPLAIN IT - YOU WILL NEVER FIND ANY SMILE TO EQUAL THAT ONE. HE LOVES US VERY VERY MUCH. GOD BLESS YOU ALL. I LOVE YOU ALL.
I ALSO LOVE THE BAND COLLECTIVE SOUL
I DISLIKE CHILD ABUSE
EVERY CHILD HAS A GUARDIAN ANGEL WATCHING OVER HIM / HER. IF YOU ABUSE AND HURT ONE OF THEM - THEIR GUARDIAN ANGEL WILL SURELY REPORT IT TO OUR GOD. FAILURE TO REPORT ABUSE WILL ALSO BE REPORTED TO OUR GOD. FAILURE TO PROVIDE TREATMENT TO A CHILD IN NEED IS ALSO CHILD ABUSE AND NEGLECT. GOD BLESS OUR CHILDREN!!!!!
target="_blank" www.hostdrjack.com
Lord, Our days are long and our schedules are full. You said when we are weary we can come to you and you will give us rest. So we come to you now and ask you to... Renew our spirits. Restore our strength. Refresh our hearts. Thank You for being the source of all we need to do everything You have called us to do. Wherever we go, and whatever we face today, may we live in Your presence because that is the only place we can truly be rejuvenated. Amen.
Friends make every day sunny!
Thanks for your ray of friendship!
Just thinking of you…
and hoping to bring a smile to your day…
and remind you how special you are to me!
Hugs~
Valerie
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Mila had a bladder infection, which caused
her decline. She's on antibiotics and is doing
better now, eating and drinking more.
FROM ANDI---
Today is a really good day. Mila rested up last night after a day at visitation. I was checking the journal we send back and forth to update and note for Hospice and she was only given a 50 minute nap. By the time I got her home she was fast asleep at 7 PM and slept for 13 full hours. The best thing is rest for her right now. Her body needs it, and I know she is uncomfortable. I am going to have Hospice check her again this week and see if there is something more we can do for the lingering pain. It is up and down with Mila. I worry that if she gets worn out, it will start to take a toll on her. She was really happy last night to be home. "I AM HOME!!" is all she said over and over. I only hope we level out again and it is more comfortable very soon. There is just something there and maybe that is the decline and it may not get back to what we were at. All I know is there is a comfort here. Being home with her and having this wonderful time we are blessed with fills my heart! I love her. Thank you all for your prayers, thoughts and comments. It brightens our days and brings smiles to our faces!! She is one strong little Angel!!
I have been written many times about where to send donations the past few days. You can send any help made out to MILA PHILLIPS FUND @ P.O. BOX 1677 Gilbert AZ 85299 or we have a pay pal set up for Mila's fund as well. It is under the E-mail account of Blondie79@cox.net Mila loves all the gifts you have sent and the cards/stickers. We have so many things for her now and I do not want to offend but with how Mila is doing, I can only say to not send gifts at this time. I hope to only have great news soon.....
We are happy today watching Winnie the Pooh....and just loving each other!!
Take care....loves to all.
Andi and Miss Mila
___________________________________________________________________________ ____
FROM SHER---
Even with all the pain issues we have had in the last week, our little Mila never fails to tell me....happy Nana, happy. Yesterday after her bath, we painted on some paper plates, or I should say I painted what she asked me to paint. She loves watching the Heffalump movie from the Pooh series, so I had to draw her a Heffalump on a plate and I helped her hold the brush as she painted. She was so proud of herself. She let mommie and papa know she painted it. This morning she woke up in a good mood, telling me...sweet dreams Nana. When I asked her what she dreamed, she said whiskers. That is the little yarn kitten who is purple that our friend Alba from Canada sent her. Last week she slept with Patty the wiener dog who are friend Laurie brought. But always, no matter which one she sleeps with, it is always....sweet dreams. She got her fingernails repainted and was so proud as mommie put a fake diamond on her thumbnail in the middle of a flower. So, mommie and I were singing Diamonds are a girls best friend.....Mila sang along!!! What I have learned from this little girl. I've had a bad sinus infection the last three days and was mopping around but then I looked at Mila and realized...there is a lesson to be learned. With all the pain she is feeling, she is still going to be happy.
Someone told me today that Mila has made them a better person. Just being with her leaves them with a natural high. I think I have a reason for that...Mila is the closest thing to an angel that all of us who are part of her lives will come to. We tap into that precious, beautiful feeling and just don't want to let it go. She told me this morning the sun woke up to see me Nana and at night we have to let her look out the shutters to make sure the sun goes to bed, and it is dark. The simple beautiful things we take for granted. The heightened awareness Mila brings into our lives........PRICELESS!!!
Thanks to all who send such beautiful wonderful messages daily. The prayers are so welcomed. We know it is because of the faith of so many that our little Mila is still here.
Andi did receive some donations through pay pal and in the mail, we thank those people too. Your willingness to help Andi and Mila as she still cannot go back to work and her medical benefits have run out is so greatly appreciated. .
Thank you our dear friends.
Hugs,
Sher
from Mila's mommy: Andi~
I am sitting in a silent room. Mila is next to me fast asleep and is peaceful. Things are changing. I have not written you until today because as you know we have been here before. A decline in health, the end being near and suddenly Mila sparks back up and says "I am not done yet!!" One day we are given limited time and the next day she is painting and eating stacks of pancakes!! Mila woke up yesterday morning in pain. It was 4:00 AM and she said her head was hurting. I gave her a dose of Oxycodone, which would normally hold her until 6 AM at her next medication schedule. She kept waking, her head hurt...her eyes... I could tell she was in pain and so I put my call into Hospice. She slept off and on through the morning and when she woke up for the normal breakfast time she said she was hungry. I made her what she asked for and before taking a bite said she was full. She did not eat for the rest of the afternoon. Hospice came to the visit and said that we need to keep track of her Oxy doses and this may be a situation of her needing to up the dose on her patch. In the late afternoon she ate a few bites of chicken and cheese sandwich. No liquids. I was up every three hours giving Oxy and rubbing her head. We woke up and she ate a couple bites of cream of wheat and a sip of soda. Today was visitation so I got her ready and took her. Hospice was planning to be at her visitation so I was a little at ease with her going. I picked her up after being on pins and needles of how she was doing. She slept all day. She ate 4 bites of yogurt and sips of soda. Hospice called me as I was driving home. This is where we stand. If Mila does not eat or drink and it continues and becomes less and less or none at all by Friday, we will be in a home care center by Tuesday. If she gets worse with pain and is actively passing sooner, we will be placed in a home if possible at that time. Our nurse is concerned because Mila is on a steroid. Steroids make her eat and not in small amounts, it is all day non stop. She was like that up until the night before the pain started. We have not changed the doses or we could blame her not eating on that. Therefore, the body has a way of telling itself that you are adding unneeded fuel and rejects the need for nutrition. So her not eating is her body doing just that. It also could be pain involved though. Maybe with the increase now of the pain patch again, and the Oxy she will be more comfortable and she will eat better? So many questions, but honestly we just have to give her time. We have to be patient with her and let her know we are just here to support and love. She has slept all day today and from the moment I got her home she has slept. Just a little while ago she has started wanting to drink. I have given her 2 cups to drink and she has finished both. That is good and will be the start of evaluating everything. If by Friday her food and drink intake has not increased and decreased or is down to nothing she will be place in a home as early as this weekend or the first of next week. If that happens, then Mila will return home to her Father in Heaven. I know how much I will miss her when she goes, so that makes me feel that she will be greeted with open arms and endless love. I know you are thinking of us, and I love the support you show. No matter what we all want or desire, our plan is placed in this life. I have been reminded of that many times the past few weeks and find myself always humbled by that. Thank you for all your prayers. If I am able to update as soon as things change no matter what the outcome of this is in the next few days I will. I am truly grateful for my daughter. She has been a blessing to me and has set a the bar very high for me to live my life. I love my Savior and hope he knows the trails that I suffer now has shown me patience and has opened my heart so much to a deeper understanding of this wonderful true Gospel. I only hope to continue to be worthy as a Child of God, and to live this life in a way that will bring me closer to him. I love you all.... and so does Little Miss Mila.
I stand all amazed at the love Jesus offers me.....
Take care and love to you .......Andi and Miss Mila
Mila's friends....
Mila has been so blessed with so many wonderful friends. When I look at all the wonderful things that all of you have taken the time to send to this precious little granddaughter of mine, it brings tears to my eyes. You have made such a difference in her life. From a pack of stickers, to markers, to crayons, color books, reading books, stuffed animals for each holiday and some not for any holiday, to movies and clothes and financial support and on and on and on....You humble me with all that you have done. Mila's days confined to her bed have been made easier by the kindness of her internet family. There is a joy you have brought into her life that is immeasureable. Not to mention what you have done for Andi and this family. I will not name names, because I would not want to leave anyone out. The fundraisors, the personal help....you have all made a tremendous difference in stopping the stress that was so prevalent in Andi's life when Mila was diagnosed. You my dear and loyal friends have made a situation that is in itself almost unbearable....bearable. You took away the outside factors and let the focus be where it was intended......our little Mila.
Mila has had some pretty good days. The extra pain med seems to be doing what hospice wanted it to do. We hear words from Mila like..."I am so brave, I am so proud, I am so happy....words that tell what this little angel is feeling. She has actually been coloring with markers again....thanks to those who send these to her....she has a huge bag and picks specials colors...she always starts with pink, then red, then purple....then light blue..."like papa's eyes" she says. She loves rainbows and heart stickers and recently stickers given to her by a very special friend, they say "I am a child of God." All these things bring a smile to her sweet little face and laughter to her lips.
Again, I hope all of you know how much you are loved and appreciated. The things you have done for this family are beyond words...and you ask nothing in return except having Mila as part of your lives...what angels you are.
Hugs to all and may you have a wonderful week.
Sher
Mila Update.....
Things are going good in Mila land!! Hospice came over and even told me that Mila is not showing many signs of the final stages. There is always the chance she can pass suddenly, or it can change very fast...but they seemed very positive. Mila has been in amazing moods. Laughing, drawing, and saying cute little made up things!! LOVE IT! I am enjoying ever moment that I have and even if it is hard and I get tired, I am blessed.
I wake up every morning between 5-6 AM. That is normal but I stay awake until midnight so I can do her medication. I then take forever to fall asleep and I cannot take sleeping pills....or else I over sleep. I normally wake up to the first words..."MOM SHOWS!!" "MOM POC-CORN HOT" "MOM SIT UP" "MOM TABLE BACK" "MOM CHANGE ME" and in the first 3 seconds of opening my eyes....and then..."Morning...Thanks for sleeping with me" I love it, it means the world to me. Then it is, "Nana, I want Nana" That happens at around 8-9. Nana comes in and it is...."Scrabble eggs" Mommy make them, Nana feed them...or switched around!! I then will sometimes shower after Mila says..."stinky" and get ready while Nana helps with watching BOB or doing other projects. I then come in and it is constant, warming up the popcorn, medication, switching bob, and snacks..... Also changing her. Her little back hurts and legs so changing her takes a long time. I have to make the movements slower not to hurt her next or disturb the tumor. I just have to make sure every lift supports her head. We are in size 5 diapers and they are small for her tummy. The Dexamethasone causes swelling and her tummy is very distended. I am in search for something. Then nap time. She does not like to fall asleep unless I "hold hands" I try not to fall asleep, even if tired or I pay for it that night. After nap time I normally give her the bath. It takes about an hour plus to completely finish her bathing. She is getting heavier now and lifting a sack of 40 pound potatoes...it heavy!! She is so cute though, I lift her and she says...
"Wooooooooooaaaaahhhh! MILA out!!" We then use...cute tips in her ears and bananas (detangler) in her hair! She gets all ready and looks so fresh out of the tub. Dressing her is also hard for me. I feel horrible when she says owie when I pull the shirt over her head. She has no ability to help so I must do all the pushing and pulling. I need little T shirts that are a v-neck or snap button tops like for new born's. Back in the room we watch more BOB and just play. Through out the day she is on medication, the pain patch gets switched every third day. Then we have the suppository and Lasix days. She likes to sleep in her side. I have her comfortable with a small rolled towel to help support her legs. She sweats a lot from the medication but then I have to be careful for her not to catch a chill. I give her medication at the end of the night and then she tells me tired and we "hold hands again...say our prayers" and she is fast asleep in no time. I then stay up until midnight so that I can give her midnight med's...then, we start the day again.....
Just a day in the life. I love every minute of it! Most of the time I spend laughing at the funny little things she says and does!! She is just perfect! My days are perfect...I cherish them and take them in. I am grateful for her and hope she knows she is an example to me. I only hope to be so strong, spiritual, loving....I only hope to be. I love being in her presence. I look forward to starting a new day....that means I will have new stories to tell.
Big blessing to you all this weekend.
Take care and we love you for all you have brought to us with your friendships!
Andi and Miss Mila
........Being is just that, being with you....is everything..........
Monday, April 09, 2007
Easter....
Mila was at visitation on Easter, so the family came over later on in the day to see her. Emma and Derrick brought her an adorable Easter basket complete with bubbles. I got the job of blowing bubbles while mommie fed her mac and cheese. There was no Easter egg hunt as she was very tired and we are again having issues with pain. Andi has been woken up at 4 am 2 mornings in a row with Mila complaining about her head hurting. Hospice came today and they called the neurologist and a higher dose of pain medication has been ordered. On Friday we took Mila to our dear friends Laurie and Tim's wedding reception.It was about a 25 minute drive to get their. Andi was behind us with Mila in her car and papa and I were ahead in his truck. Every time we stopped, papa would wave as Mila was waving from her car seat in the back seat. My phone rings and it is Andi telling me to wave....Mila was saying to her, nana no wave, she's broke. I was laughing so hard, I waved and I could hear Mila say...nana wave, she fixed!!!
By the time we got her to the reception and in her stroller, she was asking for pizza. The kindness of the hostess of the reception...she immediately checked her freezer and had pizza bites and heated them up for Mila. We weren't able to stay long, and our friends were so gracious in understanding we couldn't, we headed home, all of us at the same time. When Mila thought we were not going to leave when Andi was leaving with her, she began to cry. So, back home we went.
Today she has been in her room with mommie. Some pain issues, but seems happy as long as mommie is with her. I hope she is doing better tomorrow and that we might be able to take her out, maybe for a walk when it cools down. I feel bad for Andi, she is pretty much staying in her room with Mila most of the day. Our friend Laurie is planning on coming to see us tomorrow. I am sure that will cheer Andi up. Mila calls her Dorie, but Laurie doesn't seem to mind.
I want to thank all of you for the wonderful Easter greetings and prayers. Even though we weren't able to hunt eggs with Mila, it was so wonderful to have Uncle Jon, Aunt Crystal, Emma, Derrick, Uncle Ronnie, Uncle Kevin and great-grandma over to see Mila and take part in Easter.
Our love to all of you and our thanks to the warmth and caring you daily bring into our lives.
Hugs to all,
Sher
Please continue to pray for Bill (& us). He is scheduled to come home this Friday! The last time he was to come home, they extended him at the last minute! Praying hard that won't happen this time!
Please read my blog titled The Sweet Family It has a current update on Kyle Sweet, and an awesome ministry they are undertaking in spite of Kyle's cancer battle!
"God is good..."
I heard briefly from Bill...
Please keep him and the soldiers
he's with in your prayers...
They are sick, was 80% of them,
but now is 90%. Bill's leg is also
injured, not sure how bad...
Just asking for your continued
prayers.
"Come home date" was supposed
to be April 13, he may be
extended again! I'm asking for
your prayers that he is
not extended!!
I had to remove military info
and pictures from Bill's page...
per Bill's request due to some
security issue. He set up his
page, I thought he did a great
job, as most men are not into
setting up/decorating their
pages. He also had made his
spiral slide show, which due
to content had to be removed
too. :-(
I'm praising God that I got to
talk to him, even though ever
so briefly!!
Thank you for hanging
with us, for praying with us,
and being there for me!!
Love~
Valerie
Hugs
♥
Valerie
