Dec 26 2006, 3:41 pm - By foxylady112870

Hi, my name is Rachel and I am new to JCFaith. I love this site and it has been a wonderful help to me. I am looking for some advice from others who have been in my situation. My husband just went to jail last night, after walking out on me and the kids. He has been sober for 44 days and went to a bar yesterday and came home drunk and mean. After yelling at me for a few minutes, thank God he left. I called the police right away as he had a warrant out for his arrest for a battery charge from November when he was physically abusive to me and left our 2 year old home alone but remembered to take his beer out of the fridge! I do love this man but I am so tired of never having anything because all the money goes on beer and cigarettes. I am tired of none of the bills being paid until the very last minute before disconnection, if they are paid at all. My credit is so bad now because of all the bills he has run out on that I have to file for bankruptcy but I have no money. I have no job and no sitter for my kids. He has kept me from going to church and the last 3 jobs I got, he made me lose with his drunken behavior. He has kept me home and therefore, I have no friends here. I am not from here, my family lives about 100 miles away and though they are sympathetic, they themselves have no means of helping me at this time. I am truly stranded and alone right now and very scared. My husband is in jail indefinitely unless he can cough up $300.00 for his bail. I want to be a good faithful wife but I also want a good life for myself and my kids. I have stood by this man for 4 years and this is all I have gotten in return: sadness and heartache. Please anyone, offer some advice. Thank you so much and God bless you all.

Dec 26 2006, 4:33 pm - Replied by: butterfly6

I'm so sorry for what your going through. I pray life gets easier for you. How many kids do you have? I'm a single mom of 6 kids 8 to 18. Take care.

 

Dec 26 2006, 6:17 pm - Replied by: mskathy0724

Although he kept you away from church--now is the time to ask a local church for help. Perhaps this is one way God has to put you back with a church family. Anyway many churches know that this is their duty and they will point you towards counselling, financial assistance and the appropriate social services in the community.

Also remember: one of the qualities of LOVE in I Corinthians 13 i s NOT hurt. Love does NOT hurt. If it hurts it is not love.

Dec 26 2006, 7:24 pm - Replied by: foxylady112870

Thank you both for your thoughtful words. Everyone has been so helpful, I love this site!

Dec 26 2006, 8:13 pm - Replied by: cheermance

Aloha Rachel and believe it or not I'm still involved w/ a man who has done so many bad things to alot of people who care because of his drunkedness.  I thank my Father in heaven for allowing me to go through what I had to go through when it came to alcohol abusers.  But then again, it was like nothing to the many trials and tribulations I endured in Jesus.  It's really up to you, but remember, it's not about you, it's about him.  It's really up to him!  You can do all you've done and want to do, but when it  comes down to the very bottom, it's up to him.  You need to step aside, be very quiet, and let God do his job.  I pray for you and your children's safe keeping in Jesus and that He gives you the strength and courage to accept the things you cannot change.  Take care Rachel, Jesus loves you so much that He will not allow you to go through anything that He knows you cannot handle.  Aloha.  God is Love and your Creator.  Hallelujah.  Be of good courage.

Dec 26 2006, 9:35 pm - Replied by: Heart4Jesus

Rachel,

Besides connecting to a church you can also go to a battered womens shelter (due to his charges). They will assist you with job training, co-dependency, social services, counseling, and even college or a trade profession.  I do NOT advocate divorce but as one has already stated...it is on him now. I would not go back until he receives substance abuse counseling and gives you at least 6 months clean time. You need to look at his actions, not listen to his his talk!  You mst remember the children..they are learning to be adults from both of you.  I pray for you and the difficult decisions you must make...don't stay frozen with indecision.  Your Sister, in Christ,  Diana

Dec 27 2006, 7:48 am - Replied by: Rosie_1961

Dear Rachel,

       I feel led to give you advice. I have Experience in this area. You see, I am an alcoholic. Most of us need to hit rock bottom before we can stop being in denial. Rock bottom is different for every alcoholic. Maybe his is now. He is in jail with no way of getting out. DO NOT BAIL HIM OUT!!!!!!!!!!!! When we are in the midst of alcoholism, we cannot see just how sick we are, or have become. We do not realize that we are being ruled by our sickness and satan. Only after being sober for months did I see just how sick I had become. Keep praying for your husband. The prayers of people who loved me saved me. Jesus opened the door for me to be healed. I have now been sober for nearly 18 months. Life is so good now. I will be praying for your family. Do not give up hoping for a miracle. God works miracles everyday. Give your hubby love even if you can't stand him right now. I am sure he will be a different man as soon as he gets the help he needs, But do not enable him to get out and start the cycle all over again. Let him sit in jail and look at the big picture. He needs to do this.

I started a group on this site for people in recovery. come check it out. It's under groups. health, wellness, fitness. Many of us in the group would love to help you through this hard time in your life.

Love Lori

Dec 29 2006, 12:39 pm - Replied by: foxylady112870

Hello Everyone, I just got back from a job interview so maybe things are beginning to look up for me and my family! It's a job I really want, working with the disabled in group homes. I have experience working with the elderly so hopefully that will help me get this job. I want this job as it can support my family and also it will be more than just a job, I love helping others. Please pray for me that I get this job if it is the Lord's will. Thank you, Rachel

Jan 29 2007, 2:09 pm - Replied by: abby42

Dera Rachel, I want u to no I have been through a little of what u have been through. I have not been married. I am 42. about 10 yars ago I live live a friend that had a boyfrind that drank alot. an smoke cigerats. He used to beat me up to an at the time i had walked away from the lord. But today I love the Lord, I thank him so much that I could be back with him. My roomate just pasted of 2 years. about4 weeks ago. But praise God I move in with a familly. I have 4 new grang children 2 boys an 2 girls. The 2 girls go to church with me now. the 2 boys need prayer with there parents. Rachel I hope an pray things will work out for you. Aways remember God is aways there to help. Just call on his name. I hope this helps a little. Laurie

Feb 02 2007, 6:44 pm - Replied by: foxylady112870

HELLO EVERYONE, AN UPDATE ABOUT MY SITUATION. I HAVE GOTTEN THE JOB THAT I WANTED, WORKING IN A GROUP HOME WITH THE DEVELOPMENTALLY DISABLED. IT'S PART-TIME BUT SUCH A BIG HELP AND REALLY A GIFT FROM GOD. THESE PEOPLE ARE SUCH SWEETHEARTS TO BE AROUND.AND THE PEOPLE I WORK WITH ARE GREAT TOO. MY CABLE HAS BEEN TURNED BACK ON JUST TODAY ALONG WITH MY INTERNET. I'M STILL VERY BEHIND ON MY RENT BUT HOPEFULLY I'LL GET MY TAXES BACK AND I CAN CATCH UP ON THAT. MY HUSBAND IS BACK HOME AND STILL SOBER. HE WENT TO CHURCH WITH ME 2 WEEKS AGO AND SAYS HE MIGHT GO AGAIN SO PRAISE THE LORD FOR THAT!!! WE'RE GETTING BY, ONE DAY AT A TIME. I KNOW GOD WILL PROVIDE, JUST AS HE ALWAYS HAS. I'M KEEPING MY FAITH AND I'M ATTENDING A WONDERFUL CHURCH I HAVE FOUND CLOSE BY. GOD IS GOOD. RACHEL

Feb 04 2007, 6:36 pm - Replied by: MzPriz

Rachel,

 So glad to hear things are going good. Praising our Lord!!!