I know it's lame to write things about "love" and stuff like that.. but I'm doing it this way, rather than beating myself up over it!

*I was with a guy 2 years ago, that I swore I would marry; we broke up. We got back together on March 6th. I was so happy. Well, yesterday, we broke up. I don't know why, he won't tell me. And it doesn't matter, what matters is, we're over, and now.. I have a lot of things to follow through, that I can't change, from us being together.

I was serious about him, and I thought he was about me. I made a LOT of decisions based on him. He's in the Army, will be going to basic this summer, well.. what do you know.. SO AM I! Well, he GRADUATES this year, I have another year! I didn't want to join the Army, I wanted Navy, but they wouldn't take me. Well, now I'm stuck.. with the Army.. going to Ft. Bennings, GA WITH HIM! It's going to be SO hard! How am I going to make this life work when it only could've worked if we had??

This is what I have to say! Please girls, if you ever read this, DONT CHANGE YOUR LIFE FOR A GUY! I didn't CHANGE my life for a guy, I worked mine AROUND his! Which, FAILS if you don't work out. I'm learning this the hard way. I never had anyone to tell me not to do things like this. I don't have many friends anymore because I chose a different path than they, and they reject me now. I want God, they don't. POOF! They abandoned me. Not real friends. So, I have 3 REAL friends. Shelly, God, and Myself. Those are my friends. God tells me what to do, but I wasn't listening hard enough. I thought this was going to be it. And maybe it will be. Maybe Henry and I will get back together; maybe not. Guys, if any read this, don't allow your girl to do this... EVER!! If you love her, MAKE it work!! Don't allow her to make changes for you, and DONT YOU MAKE THEM FOR HER! It's not worth it!

I'm an independent person. So, I know I'll make my life work out some how. But, how am I going to deal with becoming an MP (Military Police) and being sent to Iraq to go on Convoys and stand at a gate where I could get blown up? I'm scared. I want college, but I don't want death, I know that God has this in his hands. And I trust Him with my life. (Duh)

Love, may go one way! It did in this relationship. Now, I have consequences. Not those that most have to pay, I'm not having a kid. But this, is just like a kid. Requires a LOT of responsibility! This is my LIFE! I have to deal with this for at LEAST 4 years. Yeah Yeah.. there's that stupid 18 month Army Delay Entry thing. Well, I can't do that. I want to join the Military.. but, I don't want to go to the same Basic has Henry, I don't want to join YET, I don't want to be scared, I don't want to NOT want this. I want to WANT all of this (aside from being scarecd) I based ALL these decisions on Henry.. now what? He's gone.. I have nobody. I have GOD! That's my strong point! I have God, and I have Faith, and I trust Him to do with me what he needs! However, I'm scared.. DEATHLY scared.

I'm falling into a state of abandonment and depression.. It's not hard to do. I won't consider drugs, or suicide. Been there done that (not the drugs) and it doesn't work. I love ALL people! And I know ending my Life would hurt my mom, my dad, and my sister whom I'm getting closer to. I love people so much, that I don't want to hurt them, Could that be my problem? Yes, it could be. But it's not.

My problem is: I'm stuck with a Life from LOVE with bad consequences!



THINK BEFORE YOU ACT!

Of how it will affect your ENTIRE LIFE!

Love,
Me
aka
Cyndy

Tags: Depression Love Pain Bad Endings Life

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