God has been taking me through a place I've never been before and I see now that He had to have my full attention - even though I didn't really give it to Him at first.

Something happened a couple of weeks ago that really shook up "my little world" and caused me a LOT of confusion and doubt. I found myself questioning a lot of things - things that I had no control over and things that I will never really know exactly what happened. I began to realize that the core of my confusion was that I still have a huge problem with blind trust. Now, don't get me wrong, I know that we aren't just supposed to blindly trust in EVERYTHING and EVERYONE - we ARE to test the spirits but that's not what I'm talking about here. I'm talking about a basic trust in someone very special and close to me that has NEVER given me any reason NOT to trust them. I found myself confused and torn and just basically a "mess" because I didn't know what to believe. What I was being told was so incredible that I couldn't just accept it at face value. The more I prayed about it, the more confused I became. Every time I would come here to the computer to try to "talk" to my friends and family about it through 'postings', no words would come. I believe now that God didn't want me talking to anyone about it but Him. I believe now that He was trying to show me that I HAVE to learn to trust Him AND I have to learn to trust this special person that He put in my life.

Not really a blind trust either - as far as being ridiculous - but trust enough in My Father to know that when something happens that I have no control over and I have no way of truly knowing for myself exactly what happened, THAT is the time I MUST depend on Him. Trust in Him to show me what He wants me to see and what He wants me to KNOW and learn that sometimes He just wants me to be able to trust because He asks me to.

I still find myself not really able to put in words what I'm trying to say, but I believe that He will get the message through anyway. I really don't even know why I'm writing this now unless it is to help someone else that may be going through the same struggle. I mean, I THOUGHT was trusting until this happened and it caused me great confusion. Then I also remembered that God is NOT the author of confusion and when I was able to once again SEE this person face-to-face and REALLY talk, it was as if all doubts just melted away and God restored what was there before. What it all came down to was a choice. Isn't that true of everything in our lives? It's all about choices. I had to CHOOSE to trust God to show me the way on this one and I had to CHOOSE to trust this very special person in my life because this person has NEVER given me reason NOT to trust them. Yes, it was hard for me - a struggle that lasted for a little over a week and even now, I will still find myself starting up with the same questions again but the difference is that NOW when those questions start, I remind myself that God is in control, not me, and He will never lead me wrong if I TRULY seek His will and direction.

As I was having my quiet time this morning, I came across this in my Bible Study - "When you don't know what to do, seek God. Take the next blind step toward His voice. Keep going. Stop and hear His voice, then take another step. It may be dark in front of you, but if you turn around I bet you'll be astounded by the glory of God's light."

WOW! How reaffirming that was to me as that is what I had just had to do. Scary? You bet! But I have to KNOW that I am trusting in Him to lead me and I have to TRUST and KNOW that He would never, ever lead me wrong.

I'm not gonna sit here and try to say "WOO HOO! I have it figured out now!" I DO have it figured out that I have to learn to TRULY TRUST Him but I also know that it is something I am going to have to continue to work at and continue to CONSCIOUSLY CHOOSE until it becomes so natural to me that I don't even realize I'm choosing to trust - I just trust. Mostly in Him but also in my fellow man and relying on God for the guidance and wisdom that He will give.

Thanks for "listening" and, if you think about it when you're praying, just say a prayer for me in this area.

I love you all!

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