Well, it's been a long while since I've been active on the web and I have news.
First, I've moved back to Colorado, where I'm currently living with my dad for a while. I'm helping him with a part time scrapping business which I enjoy alot. Second, I joined the Mormom Church! YEs thats right. I started in Novemeber going to thier church and having the missionaries come to my apartment. I began to fill the Holy Spirit talking to me and decided to tak a leap of faith and was rebaptized and confirmed before I moved from Garden. I can saw that I knew immediately that it was the right decision and am happy now. Here's a testimony that I wrote a few days after my baptism:

I Was – Part one

Having been raised in a Christian church all my life, I often (through God’s grace) knew and understood many scriptures by heart and can readily recite several, including my favorites. And while I knew the scriptures in my head, I often wondered if that in a way caused me problems with faith. I knew the Word, and felt in my heart they were true but I never felt the Spirit’s presence. I never felt happy in my heart, I could be happy in my head but not in my heart. I often felt as Ernest Hemmingway, “Even in a crowd, I was alone.” I hated the world. I was cynical and somewhat bitter. I was lost. All of this began in my early teens and may have even been after my first baptism. I don’t think my mom “pressured me” but I do feel that it was the wrong time and wrong place. After my baptism, I stopped going to church for a while and throughout my time in La Junta I never once went to church. I was angry at the time. And I knew that my conversion was not real and my words were lies.  And yet I still knew the scriptures and thought about what they meant from time to time. I rarely read the Word but I could hold a conversation with almost anyone about what they said and meant. And I called myself a Christian. But in reality I was lost.

When I moved over to Garden four (?) years ago , I intended to finish my studies, and then I didn’t know; I had no plan ( I’m impulsive like that). But the Lord did. J This year I have done A LOT of soul searching. I was going to write some of this one my Myspace before and due to laziness (and maybe fear) I never did.  While here I felt comfortable in my living alone (I don’t know if that feeling will ever change but I know that I will not spend as much time alone anymore), but not at peace (I thought I was). There was more but now as I move on I scarcely remember any of it.

The Change – Part Two

When the missionaries came to my door (which was according to them the last door they knocked on that day) I wanted to learn what they believed (I enjoy learning lots of things), but I never intended to believe it. As a friend of mine said,” I was bored.” And at first I tried to find doctrine that contradicted what I knew to be true. I couldn’t. And as I went to Church and the Steels’ house I saw, felt, and hear love, peace, kindness, and happiness (the fruits of the Spirit). On Monday (December, 17, 2007) I asked many questions and started to believe in my heart. My head was still clinging to my past. But as I told the missionaries, through my prayers, I felt the Lord’s love, peace, and happiness. I acted on faith and told Elder Brown and Elder Hatcher that I wanted to be baptized and receive the Holy Spirit. I even in my prayers expressed my desire fervently to the Lord, pleading that He would grant me His peace. I still had doubts though; some of the things I had read caused me doubt. So I asked God for a confirmation sign. He granted that desire (it was kind of scary and humbling to see His power). As soon as I received that I was so happy I wanted to call my mom, sister, friends, and everyone. I told my neighbor, I called the missionaries, wanted to call Jake. I wanted to read the Word, and preach of His goodness at the same time.

Saturday – Baptism

I was asked if I was excited, I had been the night before but that day I was nervous and the Devil was putting a lot of thoughts in my head. I was very tense and afraid that it would again be untrue. I did feel the Spirit’s presence though but if fleeted in and out. Then when Jake dunked me, I asked myself,”was it real?” No answer came at first I decided that from the shock of the water I couldn’t tell and to give it time. In the changing room and shortly after I immediately felt so happy and joyful (I can’t describe that feeling adequately with words). I wanted to hug everyone and give my testimony right then and there. I went home feeling peace.

Sunday – Confirmation

Having only my previous feeling of great joy, I had no true base mark for this experience and I expected that the same joy I felt before would constantly fill me forever. And as I thought that nothing happened, I felt slightly dismayed. But I called my mom and sister, who both have previous experience with the Holy Ghost I asked them questions and they asked me if I felt peace at dieing, where would I go. And As I write these words I again feel great joy and peace and in my quiet times I feel peace. As someone who never wanted to hug much, I laugh (happily) at my sudden desire to hug everyone and tell them of the peace and happiness I have found. I have to restrain myself to avoid turning them away (I joked earlier today that if I went unrestrained people would think,” He’s crazy”).

Was it real?

If I didn’t know how I felt before and the way I feel now then I might question and this may be a weakness of my flesh that the devil has at his disposal. But I know the joy I felt after my baptism and I know the peace I feel and the happiness I’ve felt over the last few days. I am changed, no more bitter cynicism and contentment. Now I have peace and happiness; No more anger. Even things that used to make me mad now have little effect. I know this is true and that the Book of Mormon is inspired Word of God and true. I know without needing proof the same way I know without proof that the Bible is true.

Tags: Religion Testimony

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