I feel like I'm not going anywhere in my life. Actually, I feel like maybe I'm not supposed to amount to anything. At least, that's how my father feels about me. The man pretty much told me I ruined his life, and that I owe him. When I try to talk to othe people, they just ignore me or tell me to suck it up and deal.

 Everything is just keeps getting worse and worse. I've thinking about suicide again. This is the 9th or 10th time I've thought about it. I can't tell my parents how I feel. They'll just tell me I'm being overly dramatic and that I want attention. That's not it. I just want someone to tell me I'm not going crazy and that everything will be alright. But, that hasn't happened to me since I was 12.

Sometimes I do wish I'd committed suicide a while ago. It's not like anyone would notice if I was gone. I'm really trying to "hang in there", but I don't want to anymore. I just want the pain to end.

I pray and I pray. But God, like everyone else, ignores me. I understand that He knows what I'm going through, and that He knew what was going to happen.

But...my question is: Why? Why does he let so many bad things happen? Why does He not stop the pain?

I really am thinking of ending it all...

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