I have friends who are going through some tough times in their lives. Its easy to get into a complete funk when youre going through tough times. Life is hard and it seems life is getting harder and harder, but the truth be known, its really not that hard. I have a lot of people I talk to and encourage. I do my best to encourage them and I always try to be honest to them no matter what. Ive been trying to think of a way to help those I know who are fighting depression. I know no other way I can help, than to share my story. Please dont read half of this story and judge me. Read the whole story and take a look at the end result. Im going to tell some things that even close members of my family dont really know. Am I an expert on depression? I wouldnt necessarily call me an expert, but I know depression very well. I suffered from depression for a long time before I finally conquered it. I didnt just suffer from depression; I embraced it and let it consume me. Even as a child, I let it take control of my life. By the time I was 26 years old, Id attempted suicide 4 times. When I was a teen, I took a .25 caliber pistol, Id purchased at a flea market, loaded it and put it to my temple and pulled the trigger 6 times. Six times, the firing pin just clicked. I walked outside, pointed the gun at the ground and fired 6 shots simultaneously, never missing a shot. Twice, I attempted to overdose on pills. The first time I took about 20 Buspar capsules; medicine prescribed for anxiety. The second time, I took about 15 pills. I cant remember what they were, but I do remember being force fed the charcoal mixture in the E.R. and that taste never quite leaves your mouth. I also took a 100 foot drop from a bridge over the Mississippi River when I was 22 years old. I remember, I was so angry when I slammed into the water, floated back up and floated to shore. My thoughts werent that I wanted to survive! My thoughts were, I cant even do this right!. As a child my parents had divorced when I was about 12 years old. I remember waking up to them arguing and fighting when I was young, and thats when my father was even there. My father never took time to get to know me and didnt care to get to know me. My parents traded me and my brother back and forth until I was about 17 and my brother and I always felt as if we were just a burden and unwanted. I felt worthless! That feeling carried over into my adulthood. My father had been married twice and shacked up with who knows how many women. My mother had married 5 times, so we werent exactly taught how to deal with relationships. It was like a family curse for divorce to hover over our lives. As a young adult, I struggled with several issues; anger, anxiety, depression, and toyed with drugs, but never did grasp the whole getting high thing. I tried drugs a couple times, but they just never took with my way of thinking. I did however watch a brother of a friend of mine die as the medics were trying to administer CPR. He was 13 years old and ODd from shooting heroine. I struggled for a long time thinking I was worthless and had no purpose, but no matter what happened, I couldnt do it! I just couldnt end my life! There was always something inside me telling me that I did have purpose and my life was important! I remember sitting down one day and just thinking to myself, "God,what makes me feel this way?". I started thinking about my current circumstances and if there was anything I could do to change them. I made notes of the things I could change and made notes of things I couldnt change and I found out something so valuable to me! I found that the things I could not change werent that horrible after all! It seemed there was a sudden change in mindset! I remember things just started clicking in my mind and I had figured it out! I made a choice!!! It was all about choices the whole time! Did it change things overnight? Not at all, but over a period of time, my whole outlook started changing dramatically. I simply had to choose to not be depressed. I made a choice that if my circumstance was something I couldnt change; I would just deal with it! If you can't change it, what does worry get you, but a headache? You have to set your mind daily to the fact that you are worth something and that you do matter and that you are going to CHOOSE to feel good. You are going to make the choice to not be depressed and you are going to CHOOSE to be happy! Over a period of time, you will no longer have to make the choice, it will become automatic! Now if you believe as I do, think of it this way, Satans goal is to destroy you and if he cant destroy your body hes going to destroy your mind! Choose not to let him! Your life is nothing more than a series of choices! You choose to get out of bed in the morning! You choose to go to work or stay home! You choose to eat, drink and sleep. So, choose to be happy! Choose to not give Satan a hold on your emotions and choose to let your life shine as a light to others! Choose to be a witness of what it really means to have JOY! Now, I know it seems too simple to actually work, but you will never know until you truly give it a try! Since Ive made the CHOICE to not be depressed, my life has changed! My attitude has changed! My whole personality has changed! God gets all the glory! I believe depression is a spiritual issue. I believe, like I said before, its Satan's way of destroying you. Dont give him the chance! Choose to live and choose to live a joyful life! Through God's grace and blessing, you can do it!

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