The simple fact that we learn through failure is woven into every aspect of our lives.

Recently I have been relying on myself way too much. I can look back and see where I strayed from the course too. It's funny how when we look back we get a sense of clarity that we lacked during our journey. I know how easy it is to lose sight of all that is important to our faith (that is our relationship with Christ), and latch onto something that feels comfortable, or seems easy, or just feels good to us. My struggle has been with leaning on my own understanding. I know, I know, scripture is clear in Proverbs 3:5

5 Trust in the LORD with all your heart
       and lean not on your own understanding;

But, I dare say that I am not alone in this. You see, I was not tricked or conned, or even manipulated. I simply forgot to trust. I let myself believe that somehow I was capable of controling my situation, and therefore my own life. Have you been guilty of this? Who besides Christ hasn't? I am thankful that I have a loving heavenly Father, who never gives up on me. He promises that He will always forgive too.

So, what was my big moment of clarity? What was my lack of trust? Well, this is what has been going on:

I have been so busy for this past year, working, starting a new business, and being a dad. So busy that I started to let a vital part of my life support system slip out of control. I have a few close friends, who through the years have been my teachers, mentors, and advisors. They have listened to my heart when I needed to speak, they have been there when I needed someone to lean on, and they have stood in the gap for me when I needed someone to pray. They have been faithful, friends. Me, on the other hand have been too busy for them. I focused on my own little world so intensly, that I forgot to be a friend to my friends.

So, when I needed counsel, or prayer, or someone to hear my heart, I felt as if I had no one to turn to. I couldn't let myself ask it of one of these men to whom I had been unfaithful as a friend. So I listened to my own reason, my own understanding during times that I should have sought the counsel of Godly men. I reasoned that it made sense that I rely on my hearing from God and discerning His direction on my own. I believed that I could give my self great advice, afterall, how many people seek advice from me regularly.In fact, work is great, and the business is growing very well. So, maybe I was right afterall.... No, I wasn't right........

From all appearances this past year has been great. But here is what's missing. I want to celebrate what God has done, I want to share with all those who stood with me, I want to toast to a job well done! But, i did it alone. I didn't include my friends in the journey. They want to be part of a celebration with me, but haven't experienced the journey with me. So, I failed. Amos wrote: Amos 3:3

3 Do two walk together
       unless they have agreed to do so? 

Sure my friends will continue to support me, but how much better could this year have been, if I had been a real friend.

Proverbs 27 says:

17 As iron sharpens iron,
       so one man sharpens another.

To my dear friends, I say I am sorry. This victory is not as sweet without you. I need all of you to continue to reflect Jesus to me. I see Him in each of you. Thank you for being the kind of men who speak their hearts to a brother and a friend. May the God of my salvation bring Imeasureable blessings to each of you and your families. may your children inherit your strenght, wisdom, and wealth. May our friendship be rekindled with His love. hear my heart when I say to each of you, I love you.

10,000 Blessings,

-Paul

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