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Tombstone Readings
Posted On 01/31/2007 17:15:16 by mskathy0724
Harry Edsel Smith of Albany, New York:
 
Born 1903 - Died 1942
Looked up the elevator shaft
to see if the car was on the way down.
 It was.
********************
 
In a Thurmont, Maryland, cemetery:
 
Here lies an Atheist
All dressed up
And no place to go.
********************
 
In a London, England cemetery:
 
Here lies Ann Mann,
Who lived an old maid
But died an old Mann.
Dec. 8, 1767
********************
 
In a Ribbesford, England, cemetery:
 
Anna Wallace:
The children of Israel wanted bread,
And the Lord sent them manna.
Old clerk Wallace wanted a wife,
And the Devil sent him Anna.
********************
 
In a Ruidoso, New Mexico, cemetery:
 
Here lies Johnny Yeast.
Pardon me For not rising.
********************
 
In a Uniontown, Pennsylvania, cemetery:
 
Here lies the body of Jonathan Blake.
Stepped on the gas Instead of the brake.
********************
 
In a Silver City, Nevada, cemetery:
 
Here lays The Kid.
We planted him raw.
He was quick on the trigger
But slow on the draw.
********************
 
A lawyer's epitaph in England:
 
Sir John Strange.
Here lies an honest lawyer,
And that is Strange.
********************
 
John Penny's epitaph in the Wimborne, England, cemetery:
 
Reader, if cash thou art In want of any,
Dig 6 feet deep; And thou wilt find a Penny.
********************
 
In a cemetery in Hartscombe, England:
 
On the 22nd of June,
Jonathan Fiddle Went out of tune.
********************
 
Anna Hopewell's grave in Enosburg Falls, Vermont
 
Here lies the body of our Anna -
Done to death by a banana.
It wasn't the fruit that laid her low,
But the skin of the thing that made her go.
********************
 
On a grave from the 1880's in Nantucket, Massachusetts:
 
Under the sod and under the trees,
Lies the body of Jonathan Pease.
He is not here, there's only the pod.
Pease shelled out and went to God
********************
In a cemetery in England:
 
Remember man, as you walk by,
As you are now, so once was I.
As I am now, you soon will be.
Prepare yourself and follow me.
 
 
To which someone replied by writing on the tombstone: 
To follow you I'll not consent, Until I know which way you went.
 


 



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