Last Saturday I changed my blast (on other blog) to the trust verse as well as added a song by Twila Paris... ok so I go to the Globetrotters with my older boys and I left Lil A with a friend. When I went to get Lil A my friend mentioned Lil A has a fever. A slight one, but I think right away I will let them sleep in and stay home. So A* mentions the Vine Service. I haven't been to that since I left the church to have Lil A (I used to work there). But by the next day I was having a hard time dealing with my older two almost pulling my hair out and I had not heard from A* so I though okay I will stay home. Then another widow friend said she was going to the Vine Service. I hemmed and hawed and I did go. Crying all the way to church. Mumbling how I hated having no one around (adult) Mumbling how I (although I am not into material things) I never got a ring at my 5 year and I was okay with this and we opted to get one at 10 (My engagement ring it was rather pretty, but never got it replaced. I lost it one month before we were married). Mumbling how I never do anything for myself and I think I am going to search for a nice ruby ring next month blah blah blah still crying.

The service is on the temptations of Christ it was on the second one....

I really didn't know that till the service got going, but while Worship was going on I spied  ahead of me a few rows up a young "sweet" couple. They were really good, very proper in the church setting. I had all I can do to hold it in with my two friend around me, but the tears rolled.  They placed there heads together in prayer and I LOST it again.

Then the Sermon http://www.southeastchristian.org/vine/ You can listen...

It wasn't so much the temptation although I did need to hear it.. He started talking about feeling frustration and feeling like God is not there and my ears started to really listen. It was what was WITHIN the message that made the tears start to roll.

He brought up. Trust in the Lord with all Heart... and do you Manipulate and demand on God's plan or do you work with Him. So here I am taking communion and I have my two friends beside me (one widowed one divorced both with kids as well) and I am just crying (without them knowing).

So G* and I are talking on the phone and we are about to close and I kinda got all quiet (that happens sometimes we just sit on the phone and are quiet) and sometimes he will ask me what I am thinking, I can't recall If I said anything but I just started reflecting on the day/night. I almost DIDN'T go to this service. It was almost at that time C* emailed me saying she was going.

I think G* an I were on the phone an extra hour just both crying and talking. I woke up with a scratchy voice. lol

He called me the next  morning asking me if I was okay... That was so nice to hear his voice.  We both agree were things are headed. BUT again I reminded him this is God's timing...

I wont deny it since August things have moved rather quickly, but it is all good. 

Taking a deep breath.