My favorite movie is "A Walk To Remember". My youngest son was named after the leading character in this movie. (Landen)

Contemporary Christian, Soft Rock, Country, 70's **************************** I am so unworthy of you Lord. I will praise you all the days of my life...... The life of Jesus(contains gore)

Add to My Profile | More Videos

Books of poetry. The Bible. ~A BABY'S STORY~

[ View All Entries ]

Landen at Jessie's grave, one year after his death.... My name is Julia. I was born and raised in Washington state. I was married for 10 years before my marriage ended. During that time I gave birth to and raised 3 beautiful boys. I'm their mom so I am allowed to call them beautiful. At 37 years old I was divorced and on my own for the first time in over a decade. I went off the deep end for awhile and turned my back on God. I was going to clubs and partying with my friends. While taking my walk on the wild side, I met man named Jessie. This man would one day have a huge impact on my life. We began dating. It was a rocky relationship. When I was 39 I made an appointment to see a doctor. I thought I had started menapause. I wanted to know what I needed to do. Was there suppliments I should be taking? The doctor asked me some questions and took some tests, He came back into the room and told me that I had not started menapause. His words where, "You have a bun in your oven". "I have a what", I asked. He repeated himself quite clearly. My response was, " I did not know that my oven still worked". I left his office in shear disbelief. The shock kept me numb for awhile and then the reality began to sink in. I was in an off again, on again, going no where relationship, I was nearly 40 years old and I was about to have a baby out of wedlock. My youngest at the time was 7 years old. My oldest was 14 years old. I cried and cried and screamed at God. I was scared and angry ( manly at myself ). I had no idea what I was going to do. What could God be thinking. I knew that abortion was out of the question. That was a promise that I made with God many years ago. Jessie was even more blown away than I was. He was nearly 48 years old and both of his children were grown. I decided that I would put the baby up for adoption. Not because I did not want this child but because I knew that this child did not ask to be brought into my mess of a life. I wanted this child to have more than I could give him. Jessie was crushed. as freaked out as he was about this child, he did not want me to give the baby away either. Jessie begged and begged me not to give his child up for adoption. In the end, Jessie wore me down and I agreed to keep the baby. Jessie promised to help me every step of the way and he did. On November 22nd 2005, our son Landen Jackie Parker was born. Jessie and I both adored this child. Neither one of us had a clue as to what we were doing, we just knew that this child was our life. On April 20th of last year, 2 days before Landen turned 5 months old, Jessie died suddenly, without warning. He had a brain annurysm and just like that, he was gone. It has been a difficult year. When someone you love dies that way it feels like there is no closure. You don't get to say good-bye. Landen looks just like his daddy. He has the exact same personality. God knew that he would be taking Jessie home. When I found out that I was pregnant and I was screaming at God, He was whispering to my spirit that I would someday understand. Thismorning as I look at my sweet little boy, when I feel his little arms around me, I understand completely. "Thank you God". Jessie had been gone for about 4 months and I was in church one sunday morning. Our pastor asked all of us to bow our heads and just sit in silence. He told us to listen for God to speak to us. I closed my eyes. As I listend to the silence in the room, I began to feel a warmth come over me. I can only describe it as the feeling of a warm blanket of love being draped around my shoulders. My mind and heart began to reflect on all that had happend in the last year. Then came the almost Audable voice of my Heavenly Father. It was a very simple phrase and he whispered it over and over. "IT'S ALL FOR A REASON". I began to cry. The tears streamed down my face. I knew at that moment that Landen and I were in the palm of Gods hand. We were not a leaf blowing in the wind. God had a plan for us and whatever that plan would be, we were going to be just fine. A few months later, I met a man named David. David has literally come along and loved me back to life. David and Landen share an amazing bond. David lost his own mother when he was Landen's age. His mother and his baby sister were killed by a drunk driver. David's father re-married a few months later. The woman that Davids father married raised David as her own child. I believe that having had this experience in his own life, has given David a heart for Landen. David and I plan to get married soon. I know that God brought David to us. I also know that Jessie would be pleased. I know that if he could be here he would. But Jessie would never want Landen to grow up without a fahter. I know that Jessie would approve of David. "IT'S ALL FOR A REASON". God never hurts us needlessly and he never waists our pain. I don't know exactly what our future holds but I know that my Father holds it in his hands and that is all I need to know.

I'm a girly girl. I love flowers and scented candles. My favorite colors are blue, purple and green. My favorite perfume is Blue by Ralph Lauren. I love music. I love to write poetry. My greatest joy is my family. I like to cook. I like to go on road trips. I love the mountains and the ocean. I love the feeling of being so close to God that I can almost touch Him. When I wander away, as I often do, my heart aches for Him.

I hate racism. I don't understand MEAN people. It really bothers me when someone finds their pleasure in causing others pain. Fake people are really icky.