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01/24/2008 19:49:26 |
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Left behind the series, and many other christian shows. Any of Jackie Chan movies, Cinderilla (not the cartoon),war movies, Diary of a mad black woman, touched by an angel, Promised Land,
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I love up lifting christian music, mostly ones that give God praises, honor and glory.like Our God is an Awesome God, I also love People get ready, Jesus is coming.Teen Mania worship band-- Lord, I seek you, Here I am to worship , MercyMe -homesick, word of God speak and spoken for, Michael W. Smith-- I can only Imagine, Be still and know, Amy Morriss--What God deserves, The best of me is you, Wonder, Chris Tomlin--Amazing love, Grace flows down and enough, Acquire the fire- this is my desire.
My most favorite all time is I CAN ONLY IMAGINE! this blows my mind everytime I hear it and it literally does drive me to my knees with tears.
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I am a country girl at heart, I love camping, fishing, hiking, going for walks on the beach, I love the ocean, I like to bowl, shoot pool, roller skating, Volleyball and see a movie. I love to dance and be around people. I love to cross stitch and draw pictures
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Joyce Meyer, Stormie Omartian and a few others. Anything that is christian and to benefit into my life and that is uplifting. True stories
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Part of testimony of my life
My life wasn't so great growing up, my parents were young, my mother ran off with another man, to never see her again until I was 17, I was 4,at that time, my father ran around in bars and was a womanizer. My sister and I were placed in an orphanage home at the age 4 ? years old, then several foster homes, with physical abuse and sexual abuse, then I was moved to another home and was adopted, to much went on there, I ran away from home when I was 16 years old, living on pins and needles, my own battle with anxiety and depression began early in my life. As a teenager, my problems progressed. While my friends were concentrating on school work, sports and boys, I was focusing on my problems. I suffered headaches, nervous stomach and developed eating disorders. I also experienced these strange periods of unreality. It's hard to describe these eerie, dreamlike periods. But I would feel strangely detached from myself and my surroundings. I worried constantly about everything! I worried about being liked, pleasing others, I worried about something bad was going to happen to me and my family. I worried about my health, fearing I had this disease or that illness. I was young when I met my first ex-husband, we had many problems, and was married only 7 months. It was around my forties when my world became intolerable. I didn't have any energy for anything. Keeping up with the fa硤e was more then I could manage; I had a low level anxious feeling inside me. I got in to this period in my life, I was scared of myself. I would go driving all around , I had to be around other people because it kept me from thinking how bad my life was. It wasn't bad, I was just thinking it was bad ? negative thoughts and I couldn't socialize well with people. I could still be functional, put on a great act, but I was not that person. And the person that was hiding on the inside was scared to death of what was going on. I kept wondering , "What is this that's causing this?" I could not figure out for the life of me what was going on. I was an emotional roller coaster, frustrating everyone around me with my obsessiveness and irrational, negative thinking. . I allowed myself to become so stressed that I could not feel normal, I was flat lined emotionally. I lost touch with feelings, was numb and no longer had ups and downs, highs or lows or know right and wrong. I just existed. In all this time no one told me about Jesus or God, but I remember so young I hear voices in my heart, Child, I love you and I am taking care of you. I held on to those words, but still I didn't know where this came from. I went to church with a friend later, she introduced me to Jesus, But I still didn't live for Him at that time, I wasn't married at the time, had a child, but living with my sons father, to much going on, my second ex-husband and I had many problems. But I stayed with him because I was young and had a baby, but most of all I loved him so much, and to this very day I still do. But that life is a life time ago.
Anyways Before I met any of my ex-husbands, I had visited doctors, and psychiatrists and each husband kept telling me, there isn't anything wrong with me, that I need to stop all this and I don't need to see a doctor or shrink. In my heart I believed I was alone and completely different from everyone else in the world, Secretly, I wondered if I might be losing my mind. If you were somebody else describing me you would think that I had it all together, I had a pretty nice facade built up on the outside. On the inside I was dying. Sometimes I would sit in the bathroom or stare out the window and just cry and think everything seems like it should be ok ? why do I still feel like this inside? I know that sounds strange, but it's true. I finally did find God, going to church and my dearest spiritual sister Becky was always there for me, but I couldn't even explain it to her either. After marrying for the 3rd time and still no relief, only things got worse and problems, I didn't know how to talk to my friends for I didn't understand anything either, and none of the doctors seem to, so I thought, how would my friends be able to help if a doctor can't. I finally hit rock bottom, I was ready for a major change in my life. I was ready to throw away all of the old, tired thoughts and behaviors that have brought nothing but emotional torture, pain, and chaos into my life. I wasn't really living.
After I moved to Virginia, I started getting more serious with God, and reading His word daily, several times a day, I decided to pray, I prayed to God to help me that night, I pleaded with Him to show me one person who had survived these feelings, gone through it too. Before long, my neighbor Debbie started talking to me, and she was talking about agoraphobia, anxiety and depression. I asked her what is this, she described the personality characteristics, negative, analytical thinkers, perfectionist, chronic-obsessive worriers and emotionally sensitive. She began describing all of the symptoms I was experiencing. She described the fear of losing control. She asked me how it has affected my peace of mind, and confidence. How does it affect my ability to make decisions, or my ability to make and keep commitments? How did this emotional torture affect my family life, my personal relationships and my sense of independence and purpose? I just looked at her, lost for words and suddenly I burst into tears, She hugged me and I learned from her for the first time in my life, however most comforting, I wasn't alone. I wasn't sick, mentally ill or otherwise that different from many other people. She said I was among the estimated 30 million Americans suffering from anxiety and depression.
As I learned more and more over the next 3 months, I slowly began to take control of my life.
Now, I am on my way to A WHOLE NEW BEGINNING and on the right track,
Thanks to Debbie, she gave me a phone number to call, I went and they taught me to recognize the thoughts, behaviors and the reactions causing my distress and showed me how to change these negative anxiety habits. I can't erase a lifetime of self-destructive thoughts and behaviors, restructuring my thoughts and behavior takes practice, repetition and reinforcement. With help from my friend Debbie, the counselor and tapes, and practice and repeated that they are fully accepted and understood. Only through reinforcement and prayer do we begin to alter our behavior and make these recovery skills our own and that's the magic of Attacking anxiety and depression.
God has blessed me with my great friend Debbie and she has been there for me, supportive and her phone is always ready to take my calls, her door is always open for when I need a friend, her shoulder and ears ready for my tears.
No, Virginia isn't my home, but God had a purpose for me to come here, to get the right help. Now I am ready to go home to Tennessee. A NEW PERSON.
Yeah, I will still have ups and downs, but with Gods help, I can handle things much better and understand more now. Praise God.
I believe that I am on a road to better days and the fulfillment of God's promises.
I chose to believe that God was molding me into something even more useful and joyful than anything I had experienced before ? in my entire life.
God shares with us in 2Titus 1:7 "For God hath not given us the spirit of fear; but of power, and of love, and of a sound mind."
Healthy advice in Matthew 6:34 "So do not worry about tomorrow; for tomorrow will care for itself. Each day has enough trouble of its own."
I am writing this because I must let go of the past, forget the past, and move on, some examples:
? Joseph had to let go of an old story of abuse and wrong to move into his place in the new kingdom. Because he did the children of Israel later found a homeland in the middle of a famine.
? Abraham had to let go of his wealthy position in his original homeland to be able to move to a promised land.
? Jacob came to the realization that he must let go of an old way of manipulating people to become an anchor for his people. His letting go was so complete that his name was changed to Israel.
? Moses let go of a comfortable lifestyle to take on the role of leading God's people to the Promised Land.
? Jesus let go of his heavenly glory to be able to take on the humanness that paved the way for him to become our Savior.
In 2Corinthians 5:17 he talks about how we are no longer imprisoned by our past but new creations in him. Once again we must let go of our need for self to be in control and allow his spirit to guide our thoughts and steps to joy and freedom.
Philippians 4:11-12 where Paul says that whatever circumstance he finds himself he has "learned" to be content.
So now I will learn to be content and keep my focus on God, Praise the Lord!
Paul writes these words:
Deep joy comes out of deep sorrow!
I am claiming my Joy in the name of Jesus!
Jesus is my hero, he came to save me and have mercy on me. and to forgive me that no others can do or come close to .
Thank you Jesus!..
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"I believe in the sun, even when it isn't shining; I believe in love, even when I cannot feel it; and I believe in GOD, even when HE is silent."
I am part of the fellowship of the unashamed, the die has been cast, I have stepped over the line, the decision has been made- I am a disciple of Jesus Christ. I won"t look back, let up, slow down, back away or be still.
My past is redeemed, my present makes sense, my future is secure. I am finished and done with low living, sight walking, smooth knees, colorless dreams, tamed vision, worldly talking, cheap giving & dwarfed goals.
My face is set, my gait is fast, my goal is heaven, my road is narrow, my way is rough, my companions are few, my guide is reliable, my mission is clear. I won't give up, shut up, let up until I have stayed up, stored up, prayed up for the cause of Jesus Christ.
I must go till He comes, give till I drop, preach till everyone knows, work till He stops me & when He comes for His own, He will have no trouble recognizing me because my banner will have been clear
Praise the Lord!!!!!!!!!!!!! Give Him all the Glory and Honor
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gossip, people arguing, or hurting each other.
AND I SURE HATE THE DEVIL!
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Heavensentglowy has 12 friend(s)
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